


If I Could Fly Home

by de_stylinson



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1970s, Alternate Universe - Military, M/M, Mild Blood, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, War, its happy at the end i promise, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, very minor zouis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-06-19 00:26:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 42,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15498201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/de_stylinson/pseuds/de_stylinson
Summary: “I love you more Harry, more and more every day…” Louis replied, watching the way Harry’s curls bounced with each step he took.“Promise me you’ll never stop!” He said, slightly joking around, but Louis knew he was being serious.“I promise you…”But will this promise endure the ultimate test when Harry gets deployed, leaving his entire world behind? Will true love conquer all or will there be other barriers standing in their way?





	1. "Your Eyes Shine Brighter than All the Stars in the Sky": Summer of 1969

**Author's Note:**

> THIS TAKES PLACE IN THE LATE 1960's AND EARLY 1970's! I AM TRYING TO BASE THE "WAR" OFF THE NORTHERN IRELAND CONFLICT, HOWEVER I DO NOT KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT IT, SO SOME OF IT MAY NOT BE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE, PLEASE REMEMBER IT IS JUST FICTION! Enjoy .xx

** "Your Eyes Shine Brighter than All the Stars in the Sky": Summer of 1969  **

Louis couldn't help the smile that crossed over his face as the bell rang signaling the end of the school day for the summer. Of course everyone was excited that another year had come to an end, but Louis was especially thrilled because that meant he could spend all of his days with the love of his life. The green eyed boy with the beautiful chocolate brown curls that he met three years ago now. Things moved pretty quickly after they spoke for the first time, as they walked to each class together, and then Harry would walk Louis home every single day after school. That is when they became permanent parts of each other's routines, and their lives. Even though most of the world disproved of homosexual relationships, luckily for Harry and Louis, their friends and family members were very supportive of them. It didn't matter the ugly stares they got as they walked down the streets, or the occasional "disgusting faggot" comments that went along with it. None of that mattered to either Louis or Harry, because their love for one another was much more important. Lou gathered up all of his books, and quickly walked to his locker to grab the remaining items he had stored there. He was about to take the last couple of books out when he felt a large hand slap the top of his pile, instantly knocking all of his belongings onto the hallway floor. Louis sighed, not even needing to look up and see who did this.

"Hope you have a great summer you ugly piece of shit..." He sneered, and Louis finally met the golden-brown eyes and the jet black hair of someone he truly hated. Zayn. What hurt more about his relationship with Zayn is that they used to be best friends... Until he caught wind that Louis was gay. Zayn never quite looked at him the same after that moment, in fact when he first found out, he told Louis what he thought by breaking a few of his ribs and giving him a concussion.

"I don't really think that was necessary Malik..." Louis instantly relaxed when he heard the soothing, raspy voice of Harry behind him. He could feel Harry's eyes burning holes into Zayn's. Zayn just scoffed, not taking anything Harry says seriously.

"Right on cue! The other fag saves the day! You two are really sick in the head..." He rolled his eyes, kicking Louis's stuff that was already on the floor, just to spread it out a little more, but at least he walked away.

"Don't worry about him baby... He's not worth it. He will never change..." Harry said, as he slowly wrapped his arm around Louis's waist, pressing a kiss to his forehead. The way Harry could calm him down, in the blink of an eye, and make him feel better was something Louis never wanted to be without.

"I know love, its just... I wish we could go back to how things were before... you know he... found out." Louis's voice was almost inaudible by the time he finished his sentence. Harry didn't respond, he just went to work picking up some of Louis's things from the ground. "Thank you... Let me help..." Louis added, joining Harry on the floor to pick up his things, throwing them all in his book bag. In the midst of collecting all Louis’s things, Harry’s hand accidentally brushed by his boyfriend’s, still sending sparks throughout his body, even after all of these years. Louis couldn’t help but smile, because he felt those same sparks too. He looked up into the emerald green of Harry’s eyes, and saw nothing but pure love and admiration. He was so immersed that he didn’t even notice when Harry brought his thumb to run along Louis’s cheekbone, “You are so beautiful…” Harry muttered, but it was still loud enough for Louis to hear, and his cheeks flushed in response. Harry’s fingers snaked their way to the back of Louis’s neck and pulled him in closer.

Just as their lips brushed up against each other, “OII! NO PDA IN THE HALLWAYS C’MON NOW!” They knew just by the Irish accent that it was their best friend Niall, who laughed knowing he startled the two boys for just a moment. Louis simply gave Harry a small smile as to say, ‘we’ll continue this later’, and slung his backpack strap over his shoulder. Harry turned to Niall,

“Couldn’t you see we were in the middle of something mate?” wiggling his eyebrows. Niall laughed harder in response to this, and the laughter spread to Harry and Louis now too. In that moment Harry couldn’t help but further admire his boyfriend’s beauty… His perfectly tanned skin contrasted so perfectly to the cerulean blue of his eyes, and the white pearly color of his teeth. Harry also couldn’t help but blush when he felt those blue eyes on him, knowing that he had been caught. “Come on love let’s get you home”.

“Wait for me you knockers!!” Liam shouted running down the corridor after his friends, “Sorry I’m late lads, I had one last minute meeting with Mrs. Young!” Harry smirked, chuckling to himself, “Liam its literally the last day of the school year, what did you have a meeting about?”

Niall couldn’t help but chime in at that point, “It’s just because he fancies her Harold.” Liam shot him a look and the others couldn’t help but laugh. The group chatted some more as they walked down the same path to get towards their homes. It worked out well that the four of them all lived in the same general area, so they didn’t have to part ways until right before their houses. Louis lived closest to Niall, and Liam lived closest to Harry, but Harry always insisted on walking Louis to his doorstep. When the pair arrived on the porch, they had to endure the one thing they hated the most: saying goodbye to each other.

Louis pushed a curl gently off Harry’s forehead, and couldn’t help but wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and pull him down for a kiss. Their lips met and fit together so perfectly, and Louis didn’t deny Harry’s tongue as it requested access to Louis’s mouth. The kissed sloppily for a couple more moments before Louis reluctantly pulled away, in case one of his siblings or parents would see them. He rested his forehead against Harry’s, brushing their noses together and smiling. This is when they were both the happiest… During these small yet very intimate moments together. The quiet peace was disrupted when they heard the sound of a plane going by above them.

“Wonder what that was about…” Louis questioned, eyes now looking up towards the sky. Harry mirrored the action, seeing that the plane was a fighter, probably involved in the Northern Ireland riots. The fighting had been going on for a little while now, but it had been getting worse recently, and England feared that they might soon have to take involvement. Both boys silently hoped that the fighting wouldn’t involve their country, because they know if it did, there was a chance they could be drafted to fight. “Right well I better get home before my mum starts to worry…” Harry finally broke the tense silence, wrapping his arms around Louis’s waist once again, squeezing him tightly.

“I love you my beautiful boy. I’ll come by tomorrow…” Harry pecked his lips once more before pulling away. “I love you more Harry, more and more every day…” Louis replied, watching the way Harry’s curls bounced with each step he took. “Promise me you’ll never stop!” He said, slightly joking around, but Louis knew he was being serious.

“I promise you…” Louis said, and didn’t regret it when he saw the bright and loving smile appear on Harry’s face. He gave a shy smile back, blowing him a kiss, which Harry pretended to catch, before walking into his house.

~

“Lou darling! Is that you?” He heard his mother’s voice echo through the house, as she walked into the entryway from the kitchen. She smiled at the sight of her son, greeting him with a hug and a kiss. “Where’s Harry?” As she knew that most days, Harry would stay for dinner after school.

“He is going to come by tomorrow.” Louis said nonchalantly, discarding his backpack onto the floor, and throwing himself onto the couch. He could still feel his mother’s eyes on him.

“What’s wrong mum?”

“Oh nothing…” Jay replied, but not sounding very convincing, “Did you hear the news?” She looked down to avoid the eye contact with her son, instead deciding to twiddle her thumbs. Louis felt a wave of nervousness now, not knowing how his mother was speaking.

“What news…?” He managed to choke out the sentence, but it came out more like a whisper. “They are going to begin deploying troops to Ireland in August…” Her voice trailed off, and her eyes became shrouded with developing tears. Louis felt like he had been hit by a bus and he couldn’t take a breath. They both knew there was a chance Louis could be snatched right out of his home… Or even worse… So could Harry…

~

The rest of the night Louis was a bundle of nerves. He could not get himself to relax for a moment, and he knew the only thing in this moment that could calm him down was Harry. As he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, he closed his eyes to try and picture his boyfriend there, looking into his eyes, hearing his voice, touching his skin. Right when Louis had calmed himself out of panic he heard a tapping on the balcony door. He jumped up, looking through the curtain before he immediately knew the silhouette on the other side. He opened the door to see his Harry, as if he always knew when Louis needed him.

“Long time no see…” Harry said, winking cheekily as he greeted Louis with a gentle yet passionate kiss. “I had a feeling something was wrong, so I figured I would stop by… I also couldn’t wait to see you til tomorrow.” He giggled, causing Louis to blush and playfully hit his arm.

“You know me so well baby…” But his voice was still quiet, “Did you hear the news about the deployment?” Harry responded by simply nodding his head, and quickly changed the subject. He gazed above Louis’s head up to the stars shining down on them, providing just enough light for them to see each other. Trying desperately to ignore the fighter plane disrupting the peacefulness of the night sky. Harry looked back down cupping Louis’s face, taking in every single feature. He noticed as the light from the moon and the stars reflected off that perfect shade of blue.

“You wanna know something?” He asked quietly. Louis nodded,

“Tell me.” Harry pulled him in closer, brushing his lips along Louis’s neck. Planting kisses along his pulse.

He pulled away once again, after kissing the tip of Louis’s nose. “Your eyes shine brighter than all the stars in the sky…”


	2. The Day the World Came Crashing Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep down Harry knows his fate, but what will happen when it turns into reality?

Harry felt sick as he watched the news saying that British forces were going to be deployed to Ireland to aid with the Conflicts. He was well aware of what the risks are, especially because of his desirable physical characteristics, and family history in the military. Harry’s parents met during their service, as Anne was an army nurse and his father was a Commander, who was eventually killed during combat. She since remarried to Robin, and they were all a very close family unit. Gemma instantly picked up on her brother’s nerves, watching him inquisitively.

“Are you good brother?” She asked, observing the way his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, and how his adam’s apple moved up and down as he nervously swallowed. He turned to her, nodding not being able to speak, because he knew if he did, the tears he was trying to hard to withhold would come pouring out. Gem returned her attention to the television and eventually put two and two together. “Oh H… I know you are nervous, but there is no guarantees that you are going to get drafted…” She gently caressed her brother’s arm in an attempt to calm his nerves, but when she saw that wasn’t working, she simply opened her arms and invited him inside.

He quickly crawled in, balling his lanky body up into a more manageable size for Gemma to hold.

“Gem… I don’t know what I would do if I had to leave you lot… If I had to leave Louis behind…” His sentence ended up in a choke, as the moment the thought came out of his mouth, he couldn’t control his emotions anymore. His body began to rattle because of his sobs, the sheer idea of him having to be away from the love of his life, for an unknown period of time, with unknown consequences became too much to bear.

“I know baby brother… But don’t get yourself all worked up, because we don’t even know whether or not it is going to happen yet. Alright? Just take a couple deep breaths.” Gemma’s voice was soothing, and it did always have a way to calm Harry, but this time he could feel in the pit of his stomach that something really horrible was going to happen. Nothing that his sister did would take away this worry, because in his heart he knew he was going to end up getting deployed.

~

Harry tossed and turned, and every other minute, his eyes would find their way to the clock, but yet no time was passing by. It was almost midnight, but he knew he needed to see Louis. He needed to sleep, at least for a couple of hours. He crawled out of his bed, sneaking carefully down the stairs, trying not to wake up the rest of the house. 

He made the routine trip to Louis’s house, seeing that all the lights except one were shut off, indicating the family inside was asleep. Except for Louis. He went into the backyard and climbed the big oak tree that led him up to Louis’s window. When he got to the double doors of Louis’s balcony, his nerves were calmed slightly, as he was in the presence of his Lou; something that never failed to make him feel better, no matter what the circumstance. He knocked as quiet as he could on the glass, to try and not wake him anyone up. He could see through the thin white curtains that Lou was getting up from his bed and walking towards him. A smile spread across Harry’s face as the doorknob turned revealing an exhausted, yet happy looking Louis.

“Long time no see…” Harry greeted, and couldn’t help but add in a cheeky wink to go along with a kiss. After all this time, it never ceased to amaze Harry how perfectly him and Louis went together. The thin but soft lips of his boyfriend, fit together like puzzle pieces to Harry’s more plump ones.  “I had a feeling something was wrong, so I figured I would stop by… I also couldn’t wait to see you til tomorrow.” His smile grew as he saw Louis’s cheeks redden.

“You know me so well baby…” But his voice was still quiet, and Harry knew exactly what Louis was about to tell him, “Did you hear the news about the deployment?” Harry responded by simply nodding his head, and quickly changed the subject. He had too. He couldn’t think about this anymore than he already had.

He gazed above Louis’s head up to the stars shining down on them, providing just enough light for them to see each other. Trying desperately to ignore the fighter plane disrupting the peacefulness of the night sky. Thoughts swarmed his head, almost as if he couldn’t escape what he had a horrible feeling was going to be his fate.

Harry looked back down cupping Louis’s face, taking in every single feature, needing to be distracted. He noticed as the light from the moon and the stars reflected off that perfect shade of blue. “You wanna know something?” He asked quietly.

Louis nodded, “Tell me.” Harry pulled him in closer, brushing his lips along Louis’s neck, planting kisses along his pulse. He pulled away once again, after kissing the tip of Louis’s nose.

“Your eyes shine brighter than all the stars in the sky…”

And the smile that came across Louis’s face, for just a few moments, gave Harry the piece of mind that he needed… At least for the night…

~

Harry woke up in the morning, with a sick feeling in his stomach. The night’s sleep was not very relaxing, he had this feeling of impending doom. Something felt horribly, horribly wrong, and his fear was debilitating him to the point where he was afraid to get out of his bed. He nearly jumped out of bed however, when he heard a knock on his door.

“H, breakfast is ready downstairs…” It was just his sister, with an ordinary message, but Harry knew instantly something was off with her too, which only made him even more nauseous than he already was. 

“I’ll be right down…” his voice was barely audible, but he prayed Gemma heard him, because he didn’t know if he could muster up the courage to say anything else. He slowly stripped away the comfort of his blankets, the cold air hitting the skin of his bare body, causing goosebumps to raise on his skin. They remained even after he threw on a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt. He carefully made his way down the stairs, making sure he wouldn’t fall, due to his own clumsiness, and also that his mind was pretty preoccupied at the moment. 

His mum and sister were already sat at the table, eating their food, and chatting quietly. Which would appear to be normal, but Harry knew his family, and he also knew that they were acting very strange. He pulled out his chair, eyeing them carefully, trying to pick up a read. When he saw his mum begin to look his way, his eyes darted down towards his empty plate.

“You want some eggs and bacon love?” She asked, but she was carefully planning out every word… As if she was trying to make sure she didn’t say something she wasn’t supposed to.

“I’m not feeling quite well… M’stomach hurts.” He saw his mother take a deep breath and let out a barely audible sigh. At the same Gemma just started pushing around the food on her plate, but not taking a bite. It was too quiet. Harry knew something was wrong, and he couldn’t take this silence anymore. “So when is someone going to tell me what happened?” 

Breaking the silence was a much better plan in his head, because now he wasn’t sure if he could handle whatever the answer was going to be. Neither Anne or Gemma spoke a word, the mist that covered their eyes said enough, as Anne lifted her plate revealing an envelope underneath. The silence was suffocating as she wordlessly pushed the envelope across the table top, placing it in front of her only son.

He didn’t have to open it. He knew exactly what it was. He could feel bile starting to rise in his throat as he ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before dry heaving. The tears streamed down his face, partially from the gagging, but mostly because of this news. After all of his stomach contents were gone, the sobs began again… How long would he be gone? Would he make it home alive? What on Earth was he going to tell Louis… The thought of being apart from him for an unknown amount of time made Harry cry even more. Anne and Gemma burst into the bathroom shortly after, they were also crying, trying to support Harry as he slid down the wall of the bathroom onto the cold tile floor. The only words he could mutter finally slipped out,

“How am I going to tell him?”

~

Louis’s eyes kept shifting to the clock in his living room, as the day kept getting later and later. Harry had told him he was going to stop by today, but it was weird that he hadn’t shown up yet. His mum Jay kept trying to calm him down, telling him he would probably be there soon.

_ Tick-tock, tick-tock _ . The hours kept going by and Louis was really getting concerned now. He ran to his room to put his shoes on so he could walk down to Harry’s house and make sure everything was ok. 

“Mum, I’m going to Harry’s, I will be back in a little while!” Lou shouted up the stairwell, and his mother replied,

“Alright darling, be safe!” Louis turned and opened the doorknob to see Harry standing there. Straight away, he knew something was very, very wrong. His green eyes were bloodshot and swollen, the skin on his face stained with tears. 

“Hi baby…” Harry spoke first, his voice awfully hoarse as if he had been crying for hours. Louis choked up instantly, because he hated when Harry was sad. Normally, he was always strong for Louis, as Louis was the more emotional of the pair… But when Harry needed Louis to step up, he did, it was just difficult. In that moment, he couldn’t get any words out, so he just motioned for Harry to come inside.

Harry did as he was told, and immediately ran up the stairs towards Louis’s room, stopping very briefly to say hello to Jay. Louis followed, his feet moving him forward, but his mind screamed for him to stop, make any effort he could to prevent Louis from hearing whatever Harry had to say. When he finally arrived in his own room, he was shocked to see Harry sprawled out on his bed, his body shaking uncontrollably.

“Babe… Haz, what’s the matter?” When Harry lifted up his head to make eye contact with Louis, he saw that he was crying again. Once the pair’s eyes met, when blue met green, Harry’s cries became louder and more violent.

“Lou-- I…” Louis gently rubbed along Harry’s spine, trying to make him comfortable enough to get the rest of his sentence out. “I got deployed”.

Three words. That brought Louis’s world crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone :) hope you are enjoying the story so far! Please remember it is fictional so it might not be fully historically accurate!


	3. Numb.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis finds out about Harry's deployment while the couple tries to savor every last moment of each other's company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION READERS: THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER, IT IS PRETTY R RATED, SO IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH THAT, I AM LETTING YOU KNOW NOW :)

It was as if the entire world around them stopped, like the only thing still working was Louis’s beating heart. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t speak… Nothing else was functioning. He was surprised his heart was even running, considering it just shattered into a million pieces. His hand ceased to move along Harry’s back any longer, and he’s not quite sure how long he was sitting there motionless when Harry finally spoke up.

 

“Lou… baby please, please say something. I need you to say something, anything…” His voice was weak, polar opposite of how strong and confident his voice normally is. It almost sounded like a different person to Louis. Louis wasn’t thinking still, it was like his thoughts didn’t match anything that came out of his mouth.

 

“When?” That was the one word he could utter, and truthfully, that was the only thought he had in his mind. He was going to be losing his partner, his lover, and his best friend. Possibly forever if something went horribly wrong. “Oh my God…” This was the moment when reality really hit Louis. Harry could die. The one person that meant everything to him, that he would give his own life for, could have his taken away from him. Louis broke down. He has never cried this much in his entire life. Even when he was beaten to pulp for being gay, having to deal with his father leaving him and his mum and sisters… Nothing has ever hurt this much.

 

“What the hell is going on!? Boobear what’s wrong love?” Jay burst into the room to find Harry and Louis a sobbing mess, holding on to each other for dear life on Louis’s bed. She rushed over, holding them both, trying to pick up on any clues as to what the hell was happening. Harry removed one hand from Louis’s waist to grab the letter out of his pocket.

 

“Don’t let go of me please! Please don’t go!” Louis screamed, reaching for Harry’s arm, pulling it tightly back to him. It broke Harry’s heart even more than he thought was possible. Luckily he managed to get the letter and hand it over to Jay. Her eyes scanned over the words carefully, tears threatening to escape the minute she pieced everything together. Louis looked to his mum, but her expression and shock didn’t help. “Mum… When does he leave?” His question was directed to Jay, but his eyes never left Harry’s. 

 

Jay took a deep breath, looking back down at the letter she was holding in her now shaking hands. 

 

“His training starts next week…  in London... He leaves for Ireland the 15th of August…” She didn’t speak another word, just leaned forward kissing Harry’s forehead, silently praying he would be okay and come back to her son. Then she simply stood up, and exited the room, crying more audibly now.

 

Harry sat up now, taking Louis into his arms. Normally, this is a place of comfort for the both of them… But this time, something felt different. As if Louis was emotionally disconnected, like a pulled a plug out of an outlet. They were both reaching out and grabbing each other as if they were miles apart… 

 

“What are we going to do?” Louis asked after another long period of silence. Harry was confused…

 

“What do you mean?” His eyebrows furrowed in thought, trying desperately to get a read on Louis… wanting him to show some kind of emotion. Louis sighed, running his hands all over his face, before pulling his hair, craving to feel some kind of physical pain. Anything that would match the way he was feeling inside at this moment.

 

“Like… us? How are we going to do this Harry?” Louis was never good with long distance, for the love of God he never even went more than a day without spending time with Harry. He didn’t want to break up… But how could he maintain this relationship without even knowing if his boyfriend would come back to him alive?

 

“Baby, I’m telling you… I don’t know how we are going to get through it yet. But please listen to me when I tell you: I promise we can get through it together. I don’t want to lose you… I’m really going to need your support through this… We can send letters to each other…” Louis scoffed slightly at that remark.

 

“Haz… When are we going to be able to see each other? Letters aren’t going to be all that I need. I need to be  _ with  _ you… To see your beautiful green eyes, to run my fingers through your curly locks…” He paused, eyes staring intently at his boyfriend’s pink lips, “To kiss you…” He leaned forward, and ever so gently kissed Harry. It was a sweet and loving kiss, one that Louis didn’t want to pull away from because now he wasn’t sure if he would get to do this for as long as he wanted to.

 

“I know baby. I want all of those things too, for the rest of my life. But all couples have to go through some rough roads… This is just that patch for us.” Harry wasn’t sure what was happening, but he felt like he needed to convince Louis everything would be okay, before he made a rash decision.

 

“Harry how many more rough patches will we have to go through? Coming out as the only gay couple in our school and the aftermath of that was rough enough.” Louis was tearing up again. His mind was weighing out his options… He did not want to break up with Harry, but at the same time, the devil on his one shoulder was telling him it would be easier if they broke up and something were to happen to Harry while he was deployed.

 

“Lou… We are enough to get through this. There is no one else I want to spend my life with except you. You are it for me. Thats it, end of story. I’m not letting you go Louis William Tomlinson. You are stuck with me for a long time…” Harry wiped away some of the tears rolling down Louis’s cheek. 

Harry’s words did make Louis smile, and it pushed the negative thoughts to the back of his mind… At least for the time being. Everything Harry said was mutual, Louis wanted to marry Harry, and wake up to him every morning. 

 

“I love you…” Louis said, nuzzling into Harry’s arms, “More and more every single day.” Harry smiled… A genuine smile for the first time since he got news of his deployment. In this moment, Harry felt like maybe everything would be okay again.

 

“Not nearly as much as I love you.” 

~

The rest of the week leading up to Harry’s departure the couple was inseparable… Well more so than normal anyway. They had worked together to create a bucket list of little activities they can do together before the event that neither of them really wanted to think about. However, the sad thing about that was it made the time go by twice as fast and before Louis could even process anything, it was his last day with Harry for a while.

 

“Are you ready for your surprise mi amor?” Harry asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Louis couldn’t help but giggle… He was really going to miss this. He had enjoyed this week so much, but what Harry didn’t know was that every night after he would fall asleep, Louis would lie awake crying, holding onto Harry’s body for dear life. Louis always waited until night time to cry because he didn’t want to ruin the mood during the day, especially because he was trying to be as strong for Harry as he possibly could.

 

“As long as you don’t take me out somewhere and leave me for dead…” He laughed, playfully hitting Harry’s side, as Harry couldn’t help but laugh. Instantly covering his mouth with his hands, and it was one of his bad habits, according to Louis anyway. “Don’t cover your gorgeous smile love… I want to take all of you in, as much as I can.” He shot Harry a sweet smile, and pecked his lips quickly before locking their fingers together and walking out of the house.

 

Harry drove them to the park nearby, hopping out of the car first, and opening Louis’s door for him. He pulled Louis down the path, over the bridge that ran over a small stream from one of the rivers near town, which lead to a beautiful clearing at the top of the hill. Louis gasped as he saw a little picnic set up at the top, the area around the red and white checkered fabric surrounded with tea light candles. Sprawled in the center of the blanket was a single rose, Louis’s favorite flower. He felt the tears coming already… How was it possible to miss something that hadn’t gone away yet?

 

Harry had made one of Louis’s favorite dishes of marmite chicken, even though he didn’t really like it himself, he knew Louis loved it. And if one thing was for sure, Louis was going to miss Harry’s cooking. It was almost as if Harry was good at everything, and to this moment in time, Louis isn’t sure how he became so lucky to fall in love with Harry.

After their meal, the couple stayed on the top of the hill, looking up at the stars as they held onto each other’s hands for dear life. It was a comfortable silence, both men just enjoying the company of one another for a little while longer.

 

“I am going to miss you so much… But I know I will get through it, because you are strong, and our love is strong… And I will be waiting for you to come back to me.” Louis said, turning to look at Harry to see tears streaming down his face.

 

“And I-- Louis Tomlinson…” Harry began turning to face his boyfriend now, “Will be able to wake up every single day, with joy, knowing that I have someone as amazing as you waiting for me to return, so we can start our lives together…” He pulled Louis’s hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently, before pulling on Louis so that he ended up on top of Harry. Harry fixed Louis’s fringe, moving it out of his eyes. The deep green was intoxicating, and it was almost as if they casted a spell over Louis because before Harry knew it, his tongue was dancing with Louis’s. Louis then moved off Harry’s lips, providing attention to his neck, creating a few large lovebites. 

 

“I’m marking you up so that anyone who sees you will know that you’re mine baby…” Louis said, his voice suddenly lower and raspier than normal, and his eyes were dark with lust. Harry could only moan as Louis used his smaller hands to work themselves underneath Harry’s shirt before ultimately tossing it onto the grass. Louis’s lips planted kisses down Harry’s abdomen, ensuring every centimeter of Harry’s skin received Louis’s physical love. 

 

“Lou… shirt… off” Harry could only manage to get his sentences out in pieces, and he could feel all of his blood rushing down to his now incredibly hard dick. They never lost eye contact with each other as Louis stripped off his shirt, quickly standing up to remove his pants, which were rather tented themselves at this point. Harry figured this was a good time to get fully naked as well, and he did it quickly, desperate to get Louis’s body back onto his own. Their lips crashed together again, such an intense passion developing, as Harry began to run his hand up and down Louis’s cock. 

 

“I wanna…” Louis broke the kiss for a moment, but Harry continued to stroke him, “I wanna feel you in me love. I want you to make love to me so hard that I feel you in me after you leave.” Harry groaned, 

 

“F-fuck ok…” kissing Louis hotly again, and then moving his attention to Louis’s nipples, knowing good and well that he enjoyed when Harry would bite them. His hands moved slowly down Louis’s back, stopping at the curve of Louis’s ass, and Harry couldn’t resist lifting his hand and slapping his cheeks so hard… But he knew Louis liked that from him. “Gotta open you up first my love…” Louis let out a whimper as Harry’s long fingers grew closer and closer to his hole. Harry connected their lips as he let one finger roam inside, Louis’s mouth opening immediately in response, allowing Harry to snake his tongue into his boyfriend’s mouth.

 

“Shit…” He muttered against Harry’s mouth, which Harry took as an invitation to move in a second finger. He began pumping them in and out of Louis, slowly… He didn’t want this to go by too fast. He wanted to slowly make passionate love to this man. 

 

“Get on all fours baby… I gotta open you up some more.” Harry’s voice was so husky, so filled with lust. And just when he thought his cock couldn’t get any harder, the full view of Louis’s ass proved him wrong. “You are so stunning.” He bent forward to kiss each of Lou’s cheeks, and began to slowly pump his own length. His kisses travelled closer and closer to Louis’s hole until he placed one kiss directly over top of it.

  
“What are you doing Haz-- oh my  _ fuck _ ” Louis’s breath was taken away as his hole was invaded by the wet warmth of Harry’s tongue. He craned his neck to take in this view, of Harry’s face buried in his ass. The sight of it was almost enough to make him come right there. “Baby stop please, I don’t want to come yet, I’m ready…” After a few more licks around his hole, Harry planted a kiss on it once more, before lying back on the grass.

 

“I want you to ride me baby… I want you to take control of my cock… Can you do that?” The two men simultaneously licked their lips, and Louis positioned himself over Harry’s length. He spat on his hand and ran it up and down Harry’s shaft, ensuring he was fully lubed up. “So fucking hot.” Harry said under his breath, taking every single moment in, not knowing when it would happen again.

 

The two men couldn’t contain their moans as Louis slowly sat on Harry’s dick, each taking in every moment before Louis started to move. He leaned forward to get a better angle, crying out as the tip of Harry’s cock hit his prostate. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’s torso while going on and on about how much he loved him, how much he would miss him, and how he would think of him anytime Harry needed a wank. Once Louis became too tired, Harry took over pushing up from the ground, ramming his cock into Lou’s hole slowly, but repeatedly until Louis was crying out in pleasure.

 

“I’m gonna come Haz… I’m gonna--” The filthiest of sounds escaped Louis’s lips as he buried his face into Harry’s chest, Harry only needing to thrust into Louis a couple more times before he came spilling inside Louis. 

 

The pair laid there in silence for a little while longer, just holding each other before getting themselves cleaned up and back to Harry’s house before crawling into bed next to each other for the last time in a little while. 

 

The funniest part was, even though they were both in bed

neither man could fall asleep.


	4. "My Hardest Goodbye"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded day arrives when Harry has to leave for training... How will the pair hold up after saying their hardest goodbyes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiii guyssss :) 
> 
> sorry this took a little bit to get here, but here it is and I hope you enjoy it! .xx

When Harry’s alarm sounded on Sunday morning, it was silenced moments later, because neither Harry or Louis were actually asleep. They were both tossing and turning all night long, limbs tightly wrapped around one another, not really wanting to sleep because they wanted to take as much of each other in as they could.

 

“Are you ready…?” Louis asked quietly, knowing good and well that Harry wasn’t ready and he wasn’t either. Harry sighed, brushing his curls back, and rubbing his eyes. 

 

“I’m ready for this to be over so I can have this every day…” He had a ghost of a smile on his face, but it disappeared quickly because of the circumstances of the day. Louis had breakfast, which was more like pushing his food around his plate, with the Styles-Twist clan, and his family, as well as Niall were going to be meeting them at the train station to send Harry off. The only positive thing about this entire mess was that Liam had also gotten deployed, which meant at least Harry would have someone there that he knew would have his back.

 

Lou was sat on their living room sofa, with Gemma hugging him tightly, she was whispering something to him, but Louis was so out of it he didn’t even realize she was speaking to him until he snapped out of his trance when he heard the sound of Harry’s voice.

 

“Alright, I’ve gotten everything packed…” He said, throwing his duffel bags onto the floor with a thud. Anne jumping slightly at the loud sound, but knowing well enough not to say anything, because she knew this was already hard enough for her son to handle. “Let’s get this over with.” Louis flinched at his boyfriend’s curt tone, but he kept trying to remind himself that Harry’s anger wasn’t with him it was directed at the situation they found themselves in. He watched sadly as Harry picked up all of his bags at once, and walked out of the house towards the car without giving it a second thought. That was his cue. He thanked Gemma quietly for whatever she told him, and made his way outside. 

 

“I don’t like seeing you like this babe. I miss my happy Hazza… I know it is hard to be happy under the circumstances, but I don’t want some of our last moments together to be tense like this…” He wrapped his smaller hand around Harry’s and squeezed it. Harry’s lips ever so slightly turned up, like they wanted to smile but he couldn’t. “Not this kind of tense anyway.” He smirked and felt accomplished as Harry smiled now nuzzling into Lou’s side. 

 

“I’m sorry love. I don’t like when I am like this either, but I just feel so helpless. Like if there were ways I could see you, hear your voice every day, it wouldn’t be nearly as bad. But walking away from you, not knowing when I’m gonna see you again is just torture.” He raised his head enough to press his lips to Louis’s cheek. They were so engulfed in the beauty of each other’s eyes, and the sheer kinetic energy of each other’s presence, they didn’t even notice when the rest of the family piled into the car and started the engine.

 

It was roughly a half hour drive to get to the train station in Holmes Chapel that would take Harry and Liam into London where they would be training for about a month before being shipped off to Ireland. When Robin pulled into a parking space, Louis’s entire body suddenly felt like it weighed a ton, like he couldn’t move. That numb and empty feeling that had gone away over the past week of being with Harry nonstop came back at a rapid and unforgiving rate. After managing to get out of the car, he instantly wrapped his arm around Harry’s, not wanting to be more than a foot away from him. 

 

The big group entered the station, and that is where Louis quickly found his entire family, as they were quite loud due to the number of siblings Lou had. He was so thankful that they were here to send off Harry with him, it meant a lot to him. It also was important for Louis because he knew he would need their emotional support after this entire ordeal.

 

Jay spotted Louis and quickly made her way over, hugging her first born, knowing this would be one of the hardest days for him. She then turned her attention to Harry, caressing his face gently, bringing him into her arms. She really loved him like another one of her own. 

 

“My love, I will miss you greatly. Please be safe out there, I know in my heart you will be ok… Look at all the people you have praying for you.” She motioned around to the fifteen plus people that surrounded them, and Harry couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with love in that moment. “I also need you to come back so you can marry my baby boy.” She winked, and Harry laughed,

 

“Don’t worry, he’s going to be my reason for fighting every single moment to get back here. I can’t wait to marry him.” Harry stated proudly, ignoring the looks from the other people in the station, kissing Louis on the cheek, causing him to blush. Jay then went over and talked to Liam, telling him how he needed to come back because her boy needed his best friend. 

 

“Attention people in Holmes Chapel railway, our train to London will be arriving in roughly ten minutes at track 28.” The dreaded announcement came over the intercom, and Harry figured now would be a better time than any to start his process of saying temporary goodbyes. He started with Liam and Niall’s families, thanking them for taking him in over the years, and accepting him always for who he was. He promised Liam’s mum Karen that he would always look out for Liam, because he knew that Liam would always have his back as well. He really embraced Niall and his family, as they had been in his life for as long as he could remember. Niall cried, reassuring Harry that everything was going to be ok, and that before he knew it he would be back home.

 

Harry then walked over to the Tomlinson-Deakin clan, hugging the little twins, before hugging Daisy, Pheobe, Fizz, and Lottie. Jay was in tears by the time Harry wrapped his arms around her neck, promising her that he would return to them all, that they have become like family to him. 

 

“Jay… Please keep Louis safe. Make sure he doesn’t try and do anything stupid because I’m gone. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him. I will be back for him.” His eyes were filling with tears at his own words.

 

“Of course Harry. I love you very much, you know you are like a son to me… Be safe out there.” She mustered the weakest of smiles to give to Harry before hugging him once more. At this point, Harry didn’t even try to stop the tears knowing that the only people left to say goodbye to were his family and Louis. He went to Robin first, letting his tears fall as he buried his face in the crook of his step-dad’s neck, 

 

“Robin… Thank you for coming into our lives, for being there for Gem and mum when I can’t be. You’ve shown me what true love really looks like, and how a family should function. Keep taking care of them while I’m away, I know you will… I love you so much.” He reluctantly pulled away from the safe space in Robin’s arms to see that he was crying as well. He walked over to his sister, the pair of siblings not really needing to say too much. They have always been so close, and were so good at reading each other that they didn’t really need to speak to get their words across. They just took in these last few moments in each other’s arms, to really enjoy each other’s presence. Harry pulled away, not wanting to, but he knew time was wasting away and his two favorite people in the world were waiting. “Mum…” That's all Harry had to utter before Anne fell to the floor, her whole body shaking as she broke out into sobs. 

 

“My baby boy… My sweet boy…” She pulled Harry down to her, hugging him, grasping onto him as if her life depended on it. “You better come back to me, you know I wouldn’t be any good without you. I love you more than all of the stars in the sky, you will always be my baby.” Harry kissed her cheek, tasting her tears, feeling guilty that he was the reason she was so upset. As if she was hearing her son’s thoughts, Anne chimed in instantly, “Don’t for a second feel guilty about this Harry. It is not your fault alright? You are going to get through this.” Harry took a deep breath, trying his to best to believe what his mother was telling him. He gave her one last hug and kiss before turning toward the sun… His sun, what made him happy on those days where he didn’t think it was even possible to get out of bed.

 

“Saved the best for last I see?” Louis joked, trying to ease the tension, despite the tears that were streaming down his face. Harry smiled ever so slightly, and even came close to giggling. 

 

“Heyyyy don’t get too cocky now babe, maybe I have someone else to say bye too…” He pecked Louis’s lips playfully. Harry then turned serious, “You know you are my hardest goodbye right?” Louis blushed, “And you will be my happiest hello.”

 

“Its not goodbye… Its see you later.” And Harry smiled at that… Those words, they were going to help him get through this. He dove down picking Louis up, his hands placed right below Lou’s lovely bum, with Louis’s arms wrapped around Harry’s neck, and his legs pressed against Harry’s waist. “I--” Louis paused, kissing Harry’s lips in between each word, “love--”, “you--”. He stared into his boyfriend’s beautiful green eyes, noting how his pupils slightly dilated the longer he looked at Louis, the green becoming slightly darker, with specks of gold coming to the surface. Louis brought his hand up to rest on Harry’s sharp jawline, Lou’s thumb carressing the skin of Harry’s cheek. He leaned in kissing him again, passionately but yet still sweet and gentle. “I’m going to miss you every minute of every single day Haz… You are the love of my life, you are my home, and I’m going to be waiting for you until you come back to me. Thank you for making me strong.” Louis was determined not to cry, he needed to be strong for Harry in this moment. “You are so incredibly brave Harry, I know you don’t want to leave us… But we are going to be ok because of you and your strength. We’ll be waiting for you with open arms when you walk back in here.” Louis hugged his boyfriend tightly, knowing the train had just arrived on the track in front of them, so their time was basically spent. “Words cannot explain how much I love you Harry. I love you times infinity. I’ll see you soon baby.” They shared one more quick, but meaningful kiss.

 

“Don’t forget Lou… Your eyes shine brighter than all the stars in the sky. I love you more.” Harry picked up his duffel bags and felt Liam calling out behind him that they had to get on the train. 

 

It only took a matter of moments, and they were gone.

Along with all the broken pieces of Louis’s heart.

 

~

***Harry’s POV***

 

Getting on this train was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Liam and I had barely managed to put our bags in the tow-away compartment before I lost it. Louis had been so strong for me, and I know it was an act… He was barely keeping it together, but he was trying to… For me. I can’t wait to get back home to him… Liam was trying his best to comfort me, but it barely did any good. His arms didn’t bring the same feeling that Lou’s did, but I guess this is something that I am going to have to get used to now, for the time being anyway.

 

“Hey mate… I know you are going to miss Lou, but you are both strong… Look at what you’ve already had to deal with. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing that can come between the two of you.” Liam was really trying his best to console me, and even though it wasn’t working, I did appreciate him trying.

 

“Thanks mate… Means a lot to me to have a friend like you.” I felt a little better knowing that I was able to make Liam smile. I looked out the window at the scenery that were passing as we zoomed by, and soon enough I fell into an unsettled sleep, but it was sleep nonetheless.

  
  
~

***Louis’s POV***

 

I really don’t know how I kept my emotions together when I said goodbye to Harry, but I guess being so strong then, meant that all my tears were coming out full force now. The moment the train left the station, that's when I broke down… and despite all of my loving family and friends that I had around me, I never felt more alone. Everything after that seemed to go by in a bit of a blur, and quite frankly, I don’t remember half of the events that took place once Harry got on the train. The next thing I knew, I was sitting on my couch, curled up with a blanket, and my mum was bringing me some tea.

 

“How are you holding up sweetheart?” She asked genuinely, even though we both knew that I was doing bloody awful.

 

“This better be the hardest thing we have to go through, because I don’t know if I can handle any more than this.” I said, pulling my tea cup to my lips, sipping slowly, enjoying the feeling of warmth it brought me… because everything else felt so cold. My mum wrapped her arms around me, and I knew she was there, but I couldn’t really feel her there. It was one of the strangest sensations I have ever experienced, and while the numbness scared me at first, it was starting to become slightly comforting.

 

~the next day~

 

I figured going back to work would be something that would help me keep myself occupied from all the nonsense that was going on. I’ve had a job at the local daycare for about 3 years, and I loved being around kids, it also allowed me to spend some more time with my younger siblings, because they stayed their while mum was at work. 

 

“Lou, I am so glad to have you back… Listen my love, I heard about Harry and I am very sorry.” Mary spoke, hugging me, and it was somewhat comforting. My body froze at the mention of Harry’s name… I really don’t know how anyone gets used to this feeling. It was like grieving someone that was still alive. “I hired some new help for us back here in the nursery!” Mary continued, trying to brighten the mood. I was feeling pretty good about it because it had been really overwhelming back here lately and I would never turn down extra help. Mary and I turned as we heard the door closing in the other room, assumingly signaling the arrival of my newest co-worker. “That must be him! I’ll be right back with him love!” Mary ran out of the room, and I could hear her greeting the new guy… And I thought my mind was deceiving me when I picked up on a rather familiar voice.

 

“No fucking way.” I said under my breath as I made eye contact with my new colleague:

 

Zayn 


	5. The Start of New Chapters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry face their first few days apart from one another, and cannot wait at the opportunity to speak with one another again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This chapter is a little shorter, but I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> Please note that the rest of this story is probably going to frequently alternate POV's! But I always signal when it is changing!
> 
> ALSO: CORPORAL STORM IS PLAYED BY JENSEN ACKLES!!!

***Harry’s POV***

 

Liam and I got to our bunks late last night, after being introduced to our Commander and the rest of our little group. We were served some slop or shit for dinner, then we moved into our bunkers. Our mattresses were probably the most uncomfortable surface I have ever seen in my entire life, I got maybe an hour or two of sleep. 

 

“RISE AND SHINE PRIVATES!” Corporal Storm shouted, and his loud voice scared about all of us half to death. The painfully fluorescent lights were turned on above our heads, causing all of us to groan. “Get your bloody asses up and out of bed now Privates! We have a busy day ahead of us!” While his voice was intimidating, my body still wouldn’t move from it’s perfectly comfortable position.

 

“Mate… C’mon. Let’s just get this over with.” Liam nudged me with his arm, clearly already out of bed as he took the bottom bunk. I fell out of the top bunk, landing on my feet, already feeling like a piece of crap due to my lack of sleep. I felt like a zombie as I walked to wear my bags were resting on the floor. I changed my undershirt, and decided I should probably wear underwear today. Liam and I then changed into our rather ugly camouflage pants, and walked out of our bunker into the blazing hot sun. It must have been ninety degrees and it was rather humid.

 

“Well this properly sucks already.” I sighed, as we trudged over the rocky terrain beneath our boots. Liam put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it, trying to seem brave but I could hear the smallest sigh form under his breath. I figured this was a better time than any to wrap my arm around his shoulder, and try to comfort him as best as I could. “But at least we have each other mate.” And I felt better when Liam gave me a small smile, and I was being honest… We did have each other, which was better than nothing.

 

***Louis’s POV***

 

After I found out Zayn was my co-worker, things got very weird. I barely spoke a word to him, the only time I knew I had to speak to him was when Mary wanted me to teach him something about the job. Other than that, I didn’t even want to be in the same room as him. 

 

So when I walked into my job this morning, I was rather displeased when Mary told me Zayn and I were going to be alone in the nursery for a few hours. “Do I have to Mary?” I asked her but it came out as more of a plead. She looked at me confused,

 

“Louis, why don’t you want to be with Zayn? He’s been a lovely addition, and you are so rude to him!” I sighed. I probably should have addressed my issues with her the moment she told me he was going to be working here. I guess she looked at the distress on my face and her features softened. 

 

“Lou… If something has happened you have to tell me.” She rubbed my back soothingly. I could feel the tears threatening to spill as I think back to all of the awful things Zayn has done to me over the years. The countless beatings, name calling, and humiliating he has directed at me. 

 

“He’s always been so mean to me… I guess because I’m gay because we were best friends before that. He’s been so awful Mary… Some of the things he’s said to me have been embedded in my head. Everytime I see him, I think of those names, I can feel my body tremble in fear, silently praying to myself that he doesn’t beat me senseless anymore.” I cried, and Mary scooped me up in her arms, her fingers running through my hair. I opened my eyes to wipe my tears and froze when I made direct eye contact with Zayn. He stood there, I’m not sure for how long, just staring at Mary and I, his mouth hung agape. Mary pulled herself away from my embrace, turning around also rather surprised to see Zayn.

 

“Maybe, this would be a good time for the two of you to talk…” Mary whispered to me, and I shook my head vigorously. 

 

“No. I refuse to speak to him ever again…” I stormed away, before I felt a hand grasp my arm. Stunned, I turned around to see Zayn once more. Normally when Zayn puts a hand on me, it is a rough grip, he tries anything in his power to hurt me. This time though, his grip didn’t scare me… It was almost one that showed me he appeared concerned.

 

“Louis… Please? I think it’s been long overdue.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Now, after all this time, he thinks that I am just going to want to speak to him? After everything he’s done. Hell no. Not a chance. I snatched my arm out of his grasp.

 

“Go to hell.” I spat, storming away and heading towards the nursery, hoping that the little babies there would bring me some peace. I sat down on one of the rocking chairs, picking up baby Charlie, and cradling him in my arms. I admired the innocence of him, how his mind had not be influenced by anything yet… It was so beautiful… So pure. I wished that everyone’s minds could be this pure, maybe there wouldn’t be so much hate in the world. I rested my head against the back of the chair, closing my eyes for a moment when I heard the door open. When I was greeted with those same golden brown eyes I shook my head. Zayn didn’t say a word to me, he just sat in the rocking chair across from mine, eyes steadily looking at the floor. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to know what changed since school ended… Why did he now all of a sudden want to speak to me and clear the air?

 

“So. What happened?” I spoke, and I was even shocked by the anger laced in my own voice. Even though I was speaking to him, I refused to make eye contact with him. He didn’t deserve that much, he was lucky I was doing this.

 

“What do you mean?” He asked, picking up one of the other babies now, getting its bottle ready. I couldn’t help but scoff.

 

“Well considering the last time I saw you, before you started working here, you were a complete dickhead to me, and now all of a sudden you want to have a friendly chat… I figured something had to have changed.” It took him a minute to respond, and I could hear him sigh.

 

“Yeah… About that… Look Lou I’m-” I cut him off right then in there.

 

“No Zayn. You don’t get to call me Lou, that is a name reserved for the important people in my life. It’s Louis to you.” His gaze averted back down to the floor, as he bit his lip, it actually looked like he was trying to hold back some kind of emotion. “I don’t want to hear any of your excuses Zayn. Because quite frankly, there is no excuse for everything that you’ve put me through… And not even just myself, but Harry as well…” I could see Zayn visibly tense up at my mention of Harry, which I thought was strange.

 

“Can you just do me a favor and not mention him to me anymore?” I laughed. Out right laughed at Zayn’s unbelievable request. 

  
“Did you honestly just ask me to not mention my boyfriend? First of all, I’ll mention anyone that I very jolly well please, because you have  _ no say _ about any of the words that come out of my mouth. Secondly, this man is the love of my life. He makes me happy, and I need to be happy, especially when he’s nowhere around, and I am stuck in a room with you!” I was surprised by the volume of my voice, and I knew I needed a couple of minutes to myself to calm down. I kissed Charlie’s forehead gently before laying him down in his crib, and made my way to the door.

 

“What do you mean? Where is he?” I rolled my eyes, annoyed beyond belief that Zayn had the audacity to continue speaking. I thought about my beautiful boy for a moment… I pictured his soft porcelain skin, his green eyes… I could feel the lump forming in my throat at the thought of him. I missed him more than anything else… And it has literally only been a couple of days. 

 

“Not that its any of your business, but he got deployed.” And with that I walked out of the room.

 

~

 

***Harry’s POV***

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in this much pain in my entire life.” Liam said, clearly out of breath even though our training ended a half an hour ago. He wasn’t entirely wrong, this is probably the most physical pain I’ve ever felt… But none of it compared to the pain I have in my heart being so far away from Lou. 

 

“Aren’t you just so excited to get to do this all over again in less than 12 hours?” I faked an enthusiastic tone. He nudged my arm, and I couldn’t help but laugh. It felt nice to laugh… It felt like an eternity passed since I have genuinely laughed. “What do you think everyone is doing at home?” I couldn’t help but think about home, about what our families were up to… Obviously the majority of my mind was thinking about Lou. I missed him so much… Never in my life have I been craving to touch someone’s skin, or just be in their presence this much. 

 

“Well, Niall is probably eating his family out of house and home... “ We both laughed at that because we knew it was definitely true, “Lous is probably keeping his mind occupied with tiny humans at work.” I smiled at that. Lou loved his job, he loves kids, especially babies. It was one of my favorite things about him, and I can’t wait for the time when we have our own children. 

 

“Payne! Styles!” We turned around to see another Private, his name was Nate, chasing after us. 

 

“Mate slow down, how do you have the energy to even run right now?” I said to the bloke, assuming he was just as tired as us. 

 

“I wanted to catch you before you got back to the bunks, Storm said we have to meet at the barracks, we are getting our official pictures taken!” I sighed deeply, wanting nothing more than to lay back down on my rock hard bed, but Liam and I found ourselves turning on our heels heading back towards the barracks.

 

“Why do they even want to take our pictures anyway?” Liam asked, and I’m glad he did because I wanted to know too. Nate broke eye contact with us for a moment, and I knew exactly what he was going to say.

 

“Mostly for identification purposes…” His voice trailed off slightly, “But I heard we can send one to our family with a letter!” I could feel my heart leap out of my chest… 

 

“Let’s go men, c’mon now!” I sprinted towards the barracks, wanting to get there as soon as possible so I could write my letter to my Lou.

 

~

 

We had to wait in line for like an hour since we were basically at the bunks by the time Nate found us, and had to walk all the way back to the barracks. I held a stern expression by force, as we weren’t really allowed to look too happy in these, but I wanted to be to show Lou I was ok… The man snapped the polaroid and waved the picture around a few times waiting for the picture to develop. He then gave it a quick once over and handed it to me, before snapping one more that he would keep for the identification purposes. I looked down at the photo, and I couldn’t wait to send it to Lou.

  
  
  
  


I then walked over to one of the tables and benches where all of us soldiers sat down for our meals, and was handed a piece of paper and a pen to write our letter to our loved ones. My hands were shaking with anticipation, knowing that this would be the first time I could connect with Lou.

 

_ Hello my dearest Lou, _

 

_ Words cannot express how much I miss you as I sit here writing this. I wish I could wrap my arms around you, and hug and kiss you until my lips are numb. But sadly, this paper and pen is the only way I can be close to you for right now. I hope everything is going well at home, and that everyone is feeling ok. I feel awful, I feel like I’m missing out on so much. I am having a pretty hard time here, if I’m honest. Thank God Liam is here with me, he reminds me of home a lot… Anytime I am having a bad day, I think of your blue eyes and pink lips. Your sheer being is what keeps me sane Lou. We trained for almost 10 hours today in the heat of the sun, and the only thing getting me through it was that the sooner this day ended, the sooner I would be coming back to you. Let me know how everything is going, I want to know everything. One of my other privates told me we could take these pictures today and send them to our families. You are my family Lou, so I knew the only person I could send this to is you. My heart is yours… It always has been it always will be. I cannot find words that adequately express how much I love you… The love I have for you grows every single second of each day. I cannot wait until I hear back from you. You are my world Louis William Tomlinson.  _

 

_ Forever and always yours,  _

_ Harry .xx  _

 

I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks as I folded up the piece of paper, along with the picture and tucked it into its envelope. As I sealed it, I pressed a kiss to the back of it, and my heart ached knowing that was as close as I would get to kissing Louis.

 

~

Two Days Later

~

 

***Louis’s POV***

 

Work had been… interesting. Despite my constant rejections, Zayn continued to try and talk to me, as if he was really trying very hard to make an effort to be back in my life. I still don’t know why he’s doing this, especially now. He has been especially kind toward me after I told him Harry was deployed. I’m not sure if he is pitying me because he knows I am lonely, or what’s going on. However, today I am off, and I am thankful for that. I haven’t slept in in ages, so waking up at noon was really nice for a change. I threw on some joggers and changed my t-shirt before heading downstairs.

 

“Morning mum…” I greeted her with a kiss on the cheek as she finished setting up the table for lunch.

 

“Morning BooBear.” She smiled at me, “Daisy can you get the mail please?” She shouted into the other room to my sister who was watching the television.

 

“Fine Mum, I don’t see why Lou can’t get it, he’s already up.” She rolled her eyes as I made a fake crying noise, due to her being overly dramatic as usual. The door slammed and my mum and I couldn’t help but laugh. When it reopened a few seconds later, Daisy ran into the kitchen where we were standing.

 

“Lou!!! Louis!” She shoved an envelope in front of my face, and it took my eyes a second to adjust to the handwriting on the front. Once it was in focus, my heart almost burst through my chest.

 

“Harry…” I whispered, tearing the envelope from her hands, not wanting to wait a second longer to read it.


	6. Written in Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time since he left Louis, Harry smiles, because he will get to see his boyfriend sooner than he planned... But he didn't plan on an unexpected guest being there too

_Harry,_

_Hello my love. When I got your letter in the mail I was so excited, I just about cried… Well, I did cry. But how can you blame me? I miss you so much. I don’t know when you are going to get this, so I guess I’ll just update you on what I know at this moment. For the most part everything is going well, nothing has changed too much since you left. My family has been good, slightly crazy but that is not anything new :). I have been visiting your house when I can, just to stop by and see your mum, making sure she’s handling everything ok. I can’t stay too long though because then I remember that you aren’t there and it all becomes real again. I think I have been doing a pretty good job at staying strong like you’ve always told me… Especially at work. I got a new co-worker… And its Zayn. Yeah I know… Crazy. He’s been… weirdly nice to me this whole time? I don’t know why or what he’s up to, but ever since I told him you were sent away, he’s been like this. I still don’t speak to him, he knows that I have no desire to talk to him. And the real joke about all this is that he had the nerve to ask me not to talk about you. So I told him that I could talk about anyone that I very well wanted to talk about, especially you, because you are my constant source of happiness… And I meant every word.You still make me so happy, every single day babycakes, even though its been a little over a week since I’ve seen you. Never forget how much I love you Hazza… I hope very much that I hear from you soon._

 

_Always in my heart Harry,_

 

_Yours sincerely,_

_Louis_

 

***Harry’s POV***

 

I cried reading Lou’s letter. It was really interesting because as I was reading it, I could hear Louis’s voice speaking each word. But this was the happiest I have been since I got here, because I was kind of talking to Lou… I guess. I read the letter over and over again, taking in all of it. Zayn. He had to work with fucking Zayn. Of all people Mary had to hire, it was Zayn? I was pissed but glad that Louis made the choice to continue ignoring him, even though supposedly he was being nice. Those were two things that definitely didn’t belong in the same sentence: nice and Zayn. For as long as I’d known him he was nothing but an arse.

 

“Liam, don’t you think its a bit strange that Zayn became ‘nice’ to Lou after he found out I got sent away?” I needed another opinion about this because a million different ideas starting circulating through my head. Was Zayn plotting some kind of scheme to be Louis’s friend again and then humiliate him? Would Louis be friends with him again?

 

“I mean maybe he felt bad that he was such a dick to you guys and then you ended up getting deployed? I don’t know but I think it is a bit off if I’m honest.” Liam said, as we shedded our uniforms about to hop in the showers. By the time I got Lou’s letter back I had been gone officially for three weeks. Apparently, all of our mail got tied up, and we got them a week later than we were supposed to. This meant we only had one week left of training before we graduated boot camp and got shipped off to Ireland. There had been talk from Corporal Storm that we might be having a really small graduation ceremony before we got sent to Ireland, but I wasn’t getting my hopes up because the last thing I want is for me to get excited only to go that much longer without my sun.

 

I guess you can say that Liam and I made some friends these past few weeks. We had Nate, Jack, and Charlie. Having them here has really helped make this whole experience less hell-like, but just out of sheer caution, I kept my sexuality out of things. Corporal Storm was absolutely insane and relentless, but he kind of became like a father to us, and he was giving us the rest of the day off. ‘Said we were working our arses off to get here, and he was so proud of us. I was going to use this time to write another letter to Louis, hopefully he would get it soon.

 

I stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain behind me, turning the water up to a scalding temperature to try and soothe my aching muscles. As the hot water of the shower hit my back, the water droplets falling down my body, I couldn’t help but envision Louis in here with me. As the steam began to fog up the stall of the shower, and I let my hands roam my own body, pretending they were Louis’s instead. I leaned up against the wall that faced the shower head, keeping my feet shoulder with apart so I had a wide stance. I imagined Louis on his knees in front of my parted legs, planting tiny kisses up my inner thighs, his fingers wrapped around my legs, just under my knee caps. My body shivered at the thought, my hands slowly finding their way down to my now very hard dick. I used my hand to catch some of the water and use it as a lube while I started working my shaft. I pumped at a rapid rate, becoming increasingly aroused at the thought of Louis’s pink, almost red lips wrapped around my cock. His blue eyes staring me dead on, the light blue slowly turning darker, filled with lust. A moan escaped my mouth as I could feel myself reaching my high. I tightened my grip on cock, now thinking of Louis using his own hands instead of his mouth. His calloused fingertips working wonders on my length, while his other hand fondled my balls, he sensed my climax was coming. “Lou…” I groaned as quietly as I could, coming hard into the stream of water, envisioning Louis’s body covered in my own come. I opened my eyes finally, feeling empty knowing that everything I imagined wasn’t here. I finished cleansing myself and wrapped a towel around my torso before walking back into the bunks.

 

“Hey mate, you better hurry up, we have to be at dinner in like five minutes.” Charlie said, pushing a clean outfit into my arms, and rejoining the rest of our group in the middle of the room. I glanced at the clock, confused,

 

“Why the hell are we having dinner so early? Its not even six o’clock…” Normally our dinner was around 7 or 7:30 because our training lasted so late.

 

“What can I say Harold, Storm is turning us into old folk.” James said, and I laughed. Liam and his intellectual thinking finally spoke up,

 

“Really though, its not like Storm to change the schedule… I wonder if something's happened?” All of us got quiet because we knew Liam was right… Things normally don’t change around here, and we weren’t sure yet if a change was good or bad news. Nonetheless we trekked up to the barracks for dinner, which was another awful excuse of a meal. The six of us set our trays down at a table before Storm walked in, looking much happier than usual.

 

“Good evening Privates…” The entire room jumped slightly at his thundering tone,

 

“Corporal Storm” We all said in complete unison as we had been taught. He smiled, looking very proud of how far we’ve come in a relatively short amount of time.

 

“So I spoke with the Director this morning, and thanks to my compliments about you lot, we are going to be holding a graduation ceremony for you all the day we leave for Ireland.” I looked around at everyone, I could see the happiness in all of our eyes, but we decided not to let it show anymore than that. Storm continued, “That being said, we’ve sent out a letter to your home addresses. I’m very proud of all of your hard work men… You have earned this right, it is not something that we do very often. I hope you will cherish this time with your families before the real fighting begins…” He trailed off, exiting the barracks, leaving us to our meals, and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face thinking about seeing Louis.

 

***Louis’s POV***

 

_My sweetcheeks,_

_Hi boo. This isn’t going to be too long of a letter because I am too excited to write too much. I mean you probably already know this because they sent out letters but we are having a graduation ceremony before I head to Ireland… I can’t wait to see you my love. The thought of holding you in my arms and kissing you is the only thing that is getting me through this last week of training. Things have been really rough, but luckily Liam and I have made a couple of friends that we share a bunker with, and I am so excited you have you meet them. Alright my love, I have to go, its lights out here._

 

_I love you with all of my heart, and I am so happy to say that I’ll see you soon._

_Harry_

 

“Oh my God… I get to see Harry!” I shouted at the top of my lungs in my living room, throwing the paper onto the ground in my excitement. My sister Lottie rushed into the room,

 

“WHEN?” She could see the excitement on my face for the first time since Harry had been gone. Then I thought about it and I realized I wasn’t sure, because I don’t know when Harry sent the letter out.

 

“I need to go to Anne’s!” I put on my shoes as fast as I could, running out the door and down the path to Harry’s. I knocked on the door probably about five too many times before being greeted by Gemma. “Gem, when is the ceremony!?” She looked at me like I had three heads before realizing what I was talking about.

 

“I think its actually tomorrow?” I couldn’t believe it… I would get to see Harry tomorrow. “You are gonna come with us right?” She smirked a little, because we both knew the answer to that question.

 

“Just honk the horn when you lot are outside me house… Thanks love. See you tomorrow!” I wrapped Gem into a hug and ran back to my house knowing if I didn’t I would be late for work.

~

“You are in an awfully good mood today…” Zayn said, trying to break the somewhat awkward silent that was in the nursery. I was still rather baffled as to why Zayn was still trying this hard to communicate with me, when clearly I wasn’t reciprocating it.

 

“I get to see Harry tomorrow.” I wish I could say that every single day again… Its funny how many little things we all take for granted. The moment I mentioned Harry’s name I could see Zayn’s entire demeanor change in the blink of an eye. His shoulders tensed up, the somewhat gentle look in his eyes turned back to the angry, menacing look I was used to. I flinched slightly as he moved to put the infant he was holding back in its crib, Zayn noticed this and instantly softened up again.

 

“At the graduation ceremony?” He asked quietly, as if he was debating whether he should ask me at all. My brows furrowed in confusion, and I wasn’t sure what to even say in response.

 

“... How did you know about that?” It was the only question on my mind, and therefore it was the only question that came out of my mouth. He sighed, closing the distance between us. I stepped away from him, not consciously, but it was a force of habit after being beaten by him for so many years.

 

“My cousin got deployed as well…” I was stunned. I thought back, trying to remember which one of Zayn’s cousins it could have been, since he did have a rather large extended family.

 

“Jack…?” I asked, and his entire face lit up.

“I can’t believe you remembered…” His lips curled up into a smile, and it had been so long since I had seen Zayn smile that I forgot how lovely it was. I was rather close with Zayn’s cousin Jack when we were small… Often the three of us would play football together after school. Jack was always better than us at it because he was much bigger, so it makes sense that due to his athletic nature and build, he was drafted.

 

“Are you going to see him at the ceremony?” It felt weird to actually hold a civil conversation with Zayn because it had been so long since we had done something like this.

 

“I wasn’t planning on it, but if you are going maybe I’ll reconsider.” Now I really didn’t know what to say to that. Harry would be very much less than thrilled if he saw Zayn at this, especially if he saw me and Zayn kind of getting along. And the last thing I wanted was Harry to be upset during one of the few moments we have together before another month or two goes by. So I just smiled and nodded hoping this wouldn’t backfire on me.

 

~

The Next Day: Graduation Ceremony

~

Since my family couldn’t come to the ceremony, as there was a limit to the number of people each soldier could have, my mum sent along some baked goods and a few letters her and my siblings had written for Harry. I couldn’t wait to see him… There were few words spoken between me and Harry’s family, but there was a palpable excitement in the air of the small vehicle as Robin buzzed down the highway. Anne had brought a bouquet of flowers, and I had gotten Harry a small paper airplane necklace that I found at a thrift store, I got one for him and one for myself. I’m not really sure if he is allowed to wear any jewelry but I figured if he can’t he can tuck it under his uniform. I could feel my heartbeat becoming faster as Robin approached the parking lot. I looked at the surroundings and couldn’t believe my eyes… It was like we entered a different planet. The landscape was scattered with bunkers and old looking buildings. The terrain was rocky, and it felt like we were in the desert with the heat of the sun. I could see a lot of bodies in the distance, presumably doing their training… My heart ached for Harry. My mind started wondering if he would look any different, I hoped he hadn’t lost any weight… because I can’t see them eating very well here.

 

“Lou, ya coming love?” Gemma asked me, looking at me through my now open car door. I shook my head quickly, trying to snap out of my trance.

 

“Of course I am, wouldn’t have missed this for anything.” I smiled, looking down at the necklace in my hand, squeezing it tightly, anxiously awaiting to see my Harold.  
  


***Harry’s POV***

 

My palms felt sweaty, while we all stood, waiting for our families to arrive. Storm wanted us to be all dressed in our official uniforms to show off to everyone. He was going to make a brief speech, and then he was going to pin each of us, showing that we made it through training, and were ready to be active soldiers. The bright lights shining down onto the makeshift stage in the main barrack was causing me to sweat in our pure wool outfits… I looked at Liam who smiled at me proudly.

 

“I’m glad I have you with me to go through this mate…” He smiled at me, and I nodded in response, showing him that the feeling was mutual. My eyes started to scan the crowd, trying to see if I could find Louis. I didn’t feel his presence yet though, so he probably hadn’t come in yet.

 

“Welcome family and friends… My name is Sam Storm, I am the Corporal that was assigned to train these privates over the past four weeks. They have worked very hard to get to this point, and I am confident that they will make our country very proud.” He paused, and I immediately felt him. He was here. My eyes were moving rapidly, trying to spot him, and then… Right on cue, there he was. My eyes filled with tears, he looked beautiful. He had styled his hair in a little quiff because he knew I loved it like that. I stared at him hard, as if trying to get him to look at me without screaming his name out. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he made eye contact with me. His lips instantly curling up into a smile, and tears falling down his cheeks. I saw someone tap his shoulder, and he turned to them before pointing to me. Gemma covered her mouth with her hand before waving.

 

I spent the rest of the ceremony wanting it to be over, and finally it was, as Storm pinned the last guy. I grabbed Liam’s hand, pulling him to where I saw our little group before.   


“Bloody hell, where did they go?” I said under my breath before feeling a hand on my shoulder. I turned and there he was.

 

“Hey stranger…” That was all he had to say. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, full on sobbing now. I took in his scent, one that I had missed so much. His hands ran up and down my spine as he tried to comfort me, but I could feel him crying too. I pulled away, resting my forehead against his own, as we stared into each other’s eyes… It felt like there was no one else around but the two of us. “I love you.” He spoke.

 

“Never ever as much as I love you baby. I am so happy you’re here.” I smiled, kissing him briefly, not wanting too many people to see.

 

“Louis!” I heard someone calling his name from behind me, and based off the look on his face I knew it was probably someone he wasn’t expecting. But nothing could have prepared me for the shock on my face when I turned around and saw Zayn. He trotted over, hugging Louis very, very quickly before turning to me quickly, making eye contact with me but not saying anything.

 

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” It was a genuine question, because I had no idea. I heard Liam gasp as he came up to talk to Louis. He ignored me completely, turning to Louis again,

 

“Why don’t you tell him?” Now I was really, really confused. Louis knew this prick was gonna be he didn’t tell me? Granted it would have been difficult due to the fact we could only talk via snail mail… I tried to maintain my composure, waiting for Lou to respond.

 

“Umm… Zayn’s cousin is here.” He was very quiet, he knew I was angry… I rested my hand on his arm to try and tell him everything was ok. This evidently didn’t sit well with Zayn, who looked like was going to try and attack me right here.

 

“Who’s his cousin?” I had literally no idea who it could be… not that I ever really thought about it.

 

“Jack…” My eyes widened, I was really surprised. I mean I guess Jack and I were friends? But he was always really quiet, never really spoke. Anytime he was around, it was more like he was listening intently to conversations instead of participating in them. I instantly knew I had to be careful around what I said to Jack… Who knows what he writes in letters… Maybe he sends them to Zayn to give him information about me… “Hazza?” Lou’s voice brought me back to reality, “Are you alright love?” I smiled, nodding at him.

 

“C’mon let’s go somewhere and talk…” I grabbed his hand, leading him to a perfect, secluded spot… And maybe for a little while, I can forget about the fact that I’m being sent to another country…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This is kind of just a reminder that not everything in this story is going to be historically accurate, even though I have placed a time period on it, it is more based on my thoughts as I write. Thanks :)


	7. I'd be Coming Right back Home to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Lou have to say goodbye all over again, before Harry heads to Ireland and his entire world comes crashing down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS SOME SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. 
> 
> I HOPE YOU ENJOY, THE PLOT LINE IS REALLY GOING TO START THICKENING NOW ;)
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE SOME COMMENTS! .xx

***Harry’s POV***

 

I sat down across from Lou, my eyes raking over every part of his face, admiring his beauty. I cupped his chin with my hand, pulling him towards me so I could kiss his lips. I never wanted to stop.

 

“I love you baby.” I said, his smile growing, encompassing his whole face. He leaned forward again and pecked my nose, causing me to giggle. 

 

“I love you more.” He stated, and he held my hands in his own. He sighed then for a moment, straightening his posture, and I knew he was going to talk about something more serious. “Listen Haz… I knew Zayn would probably be here, but he made it sound like something else. I don’t talk to him… I have no desire to talk to him. I just try to get on with him for the sake of work.” I ran my fingers through his hair,

 

“Lou, you don’t have to ever explain yourself to me. I trust you enough to know that you are keeping your difference from him… Just please… Stay away from him outside of work babe. Something about this situation is just off to me, I feel like he is trying to gain something out of this… Especially knowing that I’m going away for a little bit.” He nodded, standing up for a moment, before sitting himself down on my lap, his arms wrapping around my neck.

 

“How much time do you think we have left?” He glanced around his, checking to see if we were still alone, before planting kisses up the side of my neck, so I assumed no one was in sight, biting slightly. I groaned, missing the feeling of his lips on my body,

 

“Lou… Baby…” I looked into his eyes that were now filled with lust, before he stood again, pulling me behind the tree we were currently sitting in front of. He sat down, his back against the tree, his legs apart, and I took it upon myself to sit in the open space. I kissed him harshly, pushing my tongue into his mouth, desperate to taste him. He moaned loudly when I began palming him through his dress pants. His dick was rock hard, and I could see his entire length throbbing against the thin confines of the fabric. I worked hastily, trying to undo the bottom on his pants, pulling the zipper down, letting his cock spring free. “Always so hard for me… Its such a turn on.” I kissed him again, as he started pulling at my clothes, signaling me to take them off. I removed my pants and my underwear… 

 

“Wow, no commando today Hazza?” Lou asked cheekily, knowing good and well that normally I don’t wear any undies. I laughed loudly, 

 

“Too itchy with the uniform babes.” He laughed now too, kissing me again. “Do you want to fuck me Lou?” He nodded quickly, but then interrupted me, 

 

“I don’t want to fuck you, I want to make love to you.” I licked my lips in response, as he instructed me what he wanted me to do next, “Get on all fours baby, I’m gonna fuck you from behind…” A shiver coursed through my entire body as I felt the tip of Lou’s cock ghost over my entrance, before pressing into me all at once. It was a sharp burning sensation at first, but then my body adjusted to the stretch, feeling full once again.

 

“Lou- move baby, feels good, missed having you in me like this…” Lou began to thrust at a painfully slow rate, allowing me to feel the pulsing veins in his dick, I could feel everything… “Oh my fuck- Jesus…” My arms went weak as Louis found my prostate, ensuring that he hit it thrust after thrust. “Please Lou… Babe move faster.” He reached forward grabbing a handful of my curls, pulling my head back forcefully.

 

“So fucking hot, so beautiful. Gonna miss you so much.” We were both reaching our climaxes rather quickly, as we haven’t been intimate with each other in quite some time. 

 

“I’m gonna come Lou…” He pulled out of me quickly, flipping my body over in one motion. His hand moved to his own length, moving over it at a rapid rate, and I could see his eyes starting to close, knowing he was close. “Fucking shit, look at me.” We locked eyes, both of us coming in unison. Louis collapsed down on top of me, both of us breathing heavily.

 

“Harry!!!! Jesus Christ Styles, where the fuck are you!?” My eyes widened hearing Charlie’s voice in the distance.

 

“Shit. We have to go babe.” Lou and I quickly put our bottoms back on after wiping off with some tissue Lou had in his pocket from when he cried during the ceremony. He wrapped his hand in mine, as we made our way back to the main barrack. 

 

“Harry where were you!?” James and Nate asked at the same time, Jack snickering in the background. They turned to him, “Look at him! Its obvious what he was doing.” He winked, and suddenly it made sense to the other two. 

 

“You dirty bastards you! In the back field no less!” We all laughed now, Louis turning a bright shade of red at being caught. “You got back just in time mate, Storm was about to head out looking for you.” I sighed a breath of complete and total relief. If Storm found me getting my ass fucked by my boyfriend, I don’t really know what his reaction would have been.

 

“When do we have to leave?” I asked them, dreading to know the answer to my question. I felt Louis’s grip tighten on my hand while I noticed the look Jack gave me, it was like he was mad to me or something.

 

“Like 5 minutes till we have to be all packed and shit.” Charlie said coming up behind the others. I was really thankful in that moment that I packed ahead of time. I nodded, walking with Lou in tow, to finish saying my goodbyes to my family. It was absolute torture having to go through this again. That was my only negative thought about this ceremony idea… I loved seeing them, but it made things that much harder once they had to leave. My mum was crying all over again, saying how handsome I looked in my uniform, and how incredibly proud of me she was. Her little speech even brought Robin and Gemma to tears, who both reminded me to be as safe as I can out there, the news was saying how ugly things were getting in the field. Each of them hugged me so tight, my mum didn’t want to let me go, and quite frankly, I didn’t want to let her go either.

 

“I didn’t think about the fact that we’d have to say goodbye again if I came to this…” Lou spoke, very quietly. I didn’t want to waste too much time talking, I just wanted to hold him. I opened my arms inviting him in, and he quickly accepted the invitation. I closed my eyes, as my face was nestled in his neck, taking in his cologne, the softness of his skin… “Don’t forget that you have to come back to me Harold, I can’t do this whole life thing without you.” He tried to joke despite the tears that were freely flowing down his face now. I took in a deep breath, kissing him for a moment,

 

“And don’t forget what you promised me Lou…” He looked confused for a moment, “You promised me you would never stop loving me… Please don’t ever stop.” My voice broke, emotions starting to rise to the surface again. Louis chuckled,

 

“I don’t think I could Harry… Even if I wanted too.” He reached into his pocket, pulling something out and handed it to me. “I got us these… I want you to wear it, and think of me… And how if you ever feel the need to fly home, you can do it with this…” I looked down in the palm of my hand to find a beautiful silver, paper airplane necklace.

 

“I love it Lou… Thank you baby. If I could fly, I’d be coming right back home to you… Can you put it on me?” He nodded, standing behind me, as he clasped the chain around my neck. I looked down at the cool metal pendant on my chest, and fell in love with everything that it stood for. “I’m never taking it off love.” His cheeks flushed as he leaned in, our lips meeting once more before Storm’s voice interrupted everything.

 

“Alright folks, thank you for coming out today, and giving these new soldiers the send-off they truly deserve. I am going to have to ask you all to make your way back to your cars now, as we need to get on a plane and over to Ireland. Bless you all… Be safe heading home.” Storm spoke, the entire room filling with the sobs of mothers who didn’t want to leave their sons, fathers who were trying to remain strong, and a whole lot of promising things that were in reality uncertain. I hugged everyone one more time before Louis and Robin had to basically drag my mum and sister out of the barrack. Liam trudging his way over, clearly in a lot of distress. 

 

“That was so much worse the second time…” He muttered, and I nodded in agreement. I guess it felt that way because this time, we were actually leaving… I sighed, as our little group of friends headed back to our bunk, gathering our belongings before heading to the bus that was parked in the lot, waiting to bring us to the airfield. I flung my bag over my shoulder, reaching for my necklace, and squeezing it for dear life.

 

***Louis’s POV***

Everyone was silent as we walked back to Robin’s car… I think we were all silently praying that God would watch over Harry and make sure he got back to us safely. We were about midway through the parking lot when I heard someone calling my name from behind me. 

 

“Slow down mate!” I was growing more and more frustrated with Zayn’s behavior because quite frankly, I didn’t consider him to be a friend of mine, even though he assumed he won back my friendship. “How did it go?”

 

“It went awful Zayn, what the hell did you expect?” I swear for a split second I saw a look of happiness appear on his face when I told him it was an awful experience. “The only thing awful about it was that I had to leave Harry for the second time. That and I have to go God knows how long without the  _ amazing _ sex we have.” I flashed Zayn an annoyed wink, anger taking his features back over. He didn’t say anything else after that just stormed away as I rejoined the Styles family in the car, and we drove away to a place I hoped I would never have to see again…

 

~

1 Month Later

~

_ Hi Haz, _

_ So I haven’t heard from you in a little while… I know that mail probably takes a couple of weeks to get from one of us to the other, but its been a month since you’ve been in Ireland now and I still haven’t heard from you. I pray every single night that nothing bad has happened to you, and that you are ok… I love you so much Harry. I wear my necklace every single day, because it makes me feel closer to you. If I don’t hear from you after I send this I’m thinking of sending something to Liam just to check up on you. Its getting a little chillier here now, I am really dreading having to go to school without you. I’m going to miss our little chats during lunch, how we would hold hands in the hallways as we would go from class to class… The way you’d kiss me on my porch after you walked me home. I’m not going to have anyone anymore… You and Liam are gone, I haven’t heard from Niall in ages, I’ve tried to get in touch with him but it hasn’t worked… I guess he’s mad at me or something? I hope he’s ok. Zayn is still talking to me at work. I hate to say it Harry, but I think he’s actually changed. He’s been more like himself ever since you left, and don’t worry, I’m not letting him back into my life as a friend, but it is nice to have him as a co-worker… Well, I guess thats it for now. I’m going to stop by your house later, just to check up on your family.  _

_ I love you Harry… More and more every day, just like I promised you. _

_ Always yours,  _

_ Louis Xx _

 

I folded up my letter, throwing it into an envelope and kissing the back of it like I always do. I did think it was strange that I haven’t received any letter from Harry since he left, but I was trying desperately not to read into too much, because my mind was flooded with horrible thoughts any time I did. I looked at the clock in the living room and realized that I was probably going to be late for work. I grabbed a jacket and threw it on as I raced out of the house, walking down the street to see if Zayn wanted to walk to work with me. As I approached his house I noticed he was outside playing with his younger sisters,

 

“Zayn you heading to work?” I asked. I’m not quite sure how my relationship with Zayn got back to this point… Maybe it was because he was actually nice to me, constantly checking on how I was doing, if I had been doing okay since Harry left… It was nice to have him back as a little bit closer to being a friend. I don’t want to call him that because I told Harry I wouldn’t get close to him again.

 

“Nah mate, I have off today!” He looked at the letter I was holding in my hands, that I planned on dropping off at the post office after work. “You want me to drop that off for you Louis? I was heading that way anyway to visit my mum at her job…” I contemplated the decision in my head… It would be easier than trying to get there after work.

 

“Sure… That’d be lovely. Thank you…” I walked towards him handing him the letter, and then walking off to work.

 

***Harry’s POV***

 

My eyes couldn’t stop my tears, no matter how hard they worked to blink them away. My entire body was shaking with the intensity of my sobs. Liam and the others tried desperately to comfort me, but it was to no avail. I felt numb. I wanted to end everything right then in there. Walk onto the battlefield unarmed and allow myself to be gunned down. I glanced back down at the letter reading it one more time,

 

_ Harry. _

_ This distance is becoming more and more difficult for me. I can’t help but feel like it is putting a spear through our relationship. As hard as this to say, I think it would be best for both of us if you didn’t contact me anymore. I need to focus on my life here, with my family, school, and my job… Its just too much to handle with you being away.  I hope you listen to this letter when you get it, and respect my wishes.  _

 

_ Stay safe out there, _

_ Louis _


	8. Broken Promises & Bad Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Louis and Harry cope without one another? Will they make some choices they'll end up regretting? Where does their relationship stand?

***Louis’s POV***

 

Every single day. I wrote a letter to Harry every single day for the two months since he went to Ireland. I still haven’t gotten a response. Emotionally, I am torn between crippling fear that something has happened to him, and beyond angry… because my heart is slowly being broken. I can’t help but feel so abandoned. Every day my mind is troubled with a hundred questions swirling around… Why haven’t I heard from him? Is he ok? Did I do something wrong?

 

“Louis!” Zayn’s voice broke me out of my trance. This has been happening a lot lately… I keep zoning out all the time. I can’t focus on any one thing for longer than a couple of minutes. My mum and sisters keep asking me whats wrong, what they can do to make me feel even a little bit better… But I think everyone knows deep down that there is nothing they can do. They can’t give me the answers I need. “You gotta snap out of this Lou… You’re like depressed or something.” 

 

“Well wouldn’t you be!? If the one person in this world you would give your life for, basically disappeared off the face of the planet!” I swallowed back my tears, determined to make it through one day without crying. Maybe today would be the day I didn’t cry myself to sleep… 

 

“I know this is hard on you mate, but you’ve got to just forget about him. He evidently doesn’t care about you, or he would be sending you letters every single day. The same exact way you do that for him.” Zayn’s voice was stern, but I could tell everything he was saying, he was saying out of pure concern. I guess the only good thing that has come out of this whole mess is that I feel like I’ve got my best friend back in Zayn.

 

“How Zayn? How am I supposed to forget him? I don’t even know what happened… What if something is wrong?” One of the babies in the nursery began to cry, so I walked over to her picking her up, cradling her tightly to my body. Harry and I always talked about having our own children… He would come into work sometimes just to sit with me and hold the babies. I felt the bile rising in my throat… I felt like I was going to be sick. None of this felt real to me.

 

“Why don’t I take you for a night out? I think it might do you some good to let loose a little… It is a Friday after all…” He wiggled his eyebrows, bringing the smallest of smiles to my face, which meant the world to me in that moment.

 

“Alright… Tonight… That sounds good, let’s do it.” And I was slightly unnerved when I saw the smirk that enveloped Zayn’s face.

 

***Harry’s POV***

I have been writing to Louis every single day. I know he told me to respect his wishes… But I can’t do that. Not without knowing what changed. I haven’t gotten more than two hours of sleep a night. It is hard enough to sleep with the constant sound of automatic weapons firing off at all hours of the day, but combine that with your boyfriend essentially breaking up with you, and not being able to do a thing about it… Well that's a recipe for insomnia. All the guys have been worrying sick about me, mostly Liam though.

 

“I don’t understand why you won’t let me send him a letter H… Maybe I could figure out what the actual hell is wrong with him.” I sighed, rubbing a hand over my tired eyes, just wanting some peace long enough so I could get a full night’s sleep. Throughout our time in Ireland, we did a lot more long distance fighting than any hand to hand combat, but it wasn’t hard to tell that things were absolutely brutal out here… And Ireland was coming for blood… Literally. Storm is even surprised at how ruthless they’ve been since we have got here, and we already lost a lot more of our troops than anyone originally expected.

 

“Because Liam… If you send him a letter and he responds and tells you why, everything becomes real. You have to understand something… The only thing keeping me from going full on mental is the fact that I am in denial that this is even happening.” Liam could only pat my shoulder, I’m assuming because he didn’t know what else to say. Not that I can blame him because quite frankly, I don’t know what I would do if our roles were reversed. I glanced down at the silver chain hanging from my neck, lifting up to my lips kissing it gently. It reminded me of a better, simpler time…

 

“Morning mates, you want some of this gross food?” Charlie asked, rolling out of bed and grabbing a pre-packaged meal that we were allowed to keep in our shelter. It was so fucking gross, I could barely stomach it, but I knew if I wanted to stay upright on the field I didn’t have much of a choice.

  
“Not really, but I guess so.” He laughed, grabbing a second packet and tossing it at me. 

 

“Ughhhhhhhhh, these damn bloody guns are making it quite difficult to fall asleep.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at Nate who trudged over to where Charlie was standing to grab a canteen and have some water. “Any word from Storm today? We’ve been waiting to get orders for what feels like a bloody month.”

 

“Mate relax, its literally been 2 days. I still don’t understand why you want to be on the front lines anyway…” Liam said, very content with our main role of driving and operating the tanks and other larger equipment.

 

“Where is Jack? Has anyone seen him lately?” I rolled my eyes at Charlie’s question. Ever since the ceremony, Jack has been acting progressively weirder around me. He moved out of our little area of the shelter, blaming it on the fact that there were only two sets of bunks now, but I couldn’t help but think there was more to it than that. Whenever he was around us, he never made eye contact with me let alone speak a word to me. Liam even picked up on it and thought it was weird, but we decided to keep it between us, not wanting Charlie or Nate to say anything to him. I couldn’t care less, as long as he kept out of my business… I just had an unsettling feeling about him. 

 

“Nope… Haven’t seen him.” That was my simple reply, and I guess it came out a little bit more harsh than I intended because Charlie put his arms up in defense afterwards. Liam gave me a knowing look, hoping up to sit next to me on my bunk, and placed his head on my shoulder. A small smile came on my face, and I wrapped my arm around him pulling him in closer. It was in moments like these that I was thankful beyond belief that I had Liam here with me. My smile was short lived as I heard a familiar voice come from across the room.

 

“Watch out Liam, the fag is making a move on ya, his other bloke moved on…” My eyes widened as I looked at Jack, who was walking past us to grab a meal. Liam’s head shot up instantly,

 

“Shut the fuck up Jack. You are so full of shit.” I had the familiar feeling of numbness return to my body. For all I know, Jack could have just been saying this to get a rise out of me, there could be no actual truth to what he was saying… But it didn’t make it any easier to hear. “H, don’t listen to him. He’s just saying this on purpose. Don’t let him win this game he’s playing.” I felt like I was going to be sick, I jumped off the bed, running into the makeshift bathroom, crying as I emptied my stomach. It couldn’t be true… Could it? How would Jack even know anyway… I felt more bile coming up my throat at the realization he could actually know something because of Zayn. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, before rinsing out my mouth with some water, storming back into the common area. Liam immediately ran over, trying to stop me from moving towards Jack, but I think he knew there was no way he was going to be able to stop my fist from connecting with Jack’s jaw. He toppled over, shouting all kinds of slander at me, I felt like my mind and my body were completely different beings. Like I could see Charlie, Nate and Liam trying to hold me back, but I couldn’t feel the arms pulling at me, trying desperately to stop me from beating Jack to a pulp. 

 

“STYLES. ENOUGH, YOU’RE GONNA KILL HIM. GET OFF, GET OFF!” We’ve all heard Storm yell, but never like this. I swear the entire building was shaking from the enormity of his voice. I didn’t care. In that moment, I’ve never cared less about what happens to me, it was almost like nothing in the world mattered to me anymore. Was that Jack’s fault? Not really, but he is the one that made it a cruel reality, and that made it easier to take everything out on him. “What the  _ fuck _ is going on in here Privates?” Storm looked around, his green eyes looked like they had a storm brewing inside them. 

 

“Jack is just being a complete dickhead thats all.” Nate stated, and I was really surprised that he was standing up for me. 

 

“Are you bloody kidding me Nate!? Look at me!” Jack spat, trying to get to his feet, but falling back to the ground in pain. “All because of this fucking faggot being bitter that his sausage jockey is over him.” I saw red all over again, trying to lunge at him, but this time I was met with the brick wall that was Storm’s body.

 

“Stop it! Seriously, I’m not messing around Privates. Styles, come with me. Now.” He signaled for me to follow him, but my body didn’t move, and my eyes refused to leave Jack.

 

“Mate. Please go. We’ll handle this.” Liam nudged me towards Storm, and I kept looking at Jack as I followed Storm out, not really caring what happened to me from here on out.

 

***Louis’s POV***

~

Friday Night

~

After work, Zayn came back to mine, figuring there was no point in going our separate ways knowing we were going to see each other in a matter of hours. 

 

“Lou Bear is that you?” I heard my mum call as she came down the stairs to greet me, stopping dead in her tracks at the sight of Zayn. “Um… What are you doing here?” My mum was well aware of everything Zayn has ever put me through, so I can’t really blame her for being angry at the sight of him in her house.

 

“Mum. I know, but I’ve learned to let go of the past, he’s really changed. He’s showed me that this whole time… Since- Harry left…” My voice trailed off. Anger replaced the butterflies that I used to feel anytime I would say Harry’s name.

 

“Yeah, and how would Harry feel if he knew you were friends with him again Louis? Hmm?” I couldn’t think of anything to say, my mouth was dry. “That's what I thought. It's your choice if you want to associate with him again, but you won’t be doing any of that in my house.” I’ve never seen my mum this mad… And like I said, I can’t really blame her, but I was a little annoyed that she wouldn’t even hear me out.

 

“Fine.” I said curtly, “Can we go to yours?” I asked Zayn, as he nodded quickly, telling my mum to have a good day on our way out. “I’m really sorry about her.” He waved it off, 

 

“Its completely fine Lou. I can’t say that I blame her. I’ve done so many awful things to you…” He got quiet, his voice barely audible. I couldn’t help but feel like he was actually sorry for the things he had done in the past. Its always been one of my strongest beliefs that everyone deserves a second chance. I rested my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.

 

“Don’t… Please?” He nodded as we continued walking to his house, “Let’s just have fun tonight.” And a couple of hours later, I found myself in Zayn’s living room, throwing back shots of the most horrific substance I’ve ever tasted. Its been such a long time since I’ve truly let go, and I was looking forward to forgetting about Harry, even if it was at least for an hour. I wasn’t even sure to be honest, if we were still dating. He never told me anything, but I can’t wait to find out… So I made the executive drunk decision that we are broken up. Zayn glanced at the clock on the wall, 

 

“Lou its 11:30 we’ve gotta get to the pub!” We laughed as he spun around, grabbing his house keys and pulling me out of the door. We stumbled down the street to the local pub, laughing and jumping just like old times. I didn’t realize how much I missed this until I was experiencing it again. When we walked inside the pub, I could barely hear my own thoughts over the loud thumping music coming from the band… And that was exactly how I wanted it. “What do you want to drink?” Zayn asked me, but I signaled to my ears indicating I couldn’t hear him. Next thing I knew, he had his hands on my waist, pulling me closer into him, his lips dangerously close to my ear, as he asked me again. I was so distracted by his hot breath, and the fact that his hands were still on my waist, that I didn’t hear him. I pulled away for a moment, but his hands still remained. 

 

“What?” I leaned back closer to him, and finally figured out what he asked me. “Maybe just a vodka-seltzer?” He nodded walking over to the bar to get our drinks. The room was spinning a little bit, but I remembered my limits well, and I knew I could have another couple drinks. I moved to the middle of the room, my hips swaying slightly do the music. I missed this feeling of not having a single care in the world… But I found my mind still drifting back to Harry, and all the weekends we spent here, dancing to the music. My judgement clouded further, and I knew I was certifiably drunk. The only thing I could think about were green eyes, pink lips, and a head full of brown curls. I thought about his intoxicating scent, the cologne he wore mixed with the smell of fresh laundry. So when two hands came up behind me and rested on my hip bones, I didn’t think much of it… Because Harry… Harry was here. I moved back into the body that was standing behind me, making Harry loosen up pulling me closer to him. I could feel him harden under his pants as I purposefully grinded my ass against him. He handed me a drink, and I took a sip, enjoying the burn it left as it glided down my throat. Harry and I danced for a few more moments, and I could tell he was getting more and more turned on by the way he was really pushing his crotch into my bum now. I finished my drink, throwing the cup onto the ground, placing my hands over his much larger ones. I got goosebumps as I felt his lips ghost over my neck, licking a stripe up the side of it. “Harry…” I moaned, but I know he couldn’t hear me over the music. So I just turned around, my vision blurry as I wrapped my arms around his neck, connecting our lips. For a second, I felt like he pulled back, but then soon enough he was kissing me back. Something wasn’t right… Something didn’t feel right. His lips felt dry, not as plump as they normally are. I opened my eyes again, trying to focus on Harry’s face in front of me. My confused mind became more confused when I realized that the eyes I was staring into weren’t green… But instead golden-brown. “Oh my God…” I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself down, I had to get out of here. I ran towards the door, stumbling with every step I took, barely making it outside before I threw up all the food and alcohol I have consumed over the past like forty eight hours. I began to sob as I sat on the sidewalk, I was sobering up very quickly realizing what just happened. “What have I done…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear some feedback, it would mean a lot to me :) hope you are enjoying it so far! .xx


	9. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry continues to struggle without hearing from Louis, and Louis struggles with his recent actions before getting more shocking news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONE :) I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER, I AM ENJOYING WRITING THIS SO MUCH BECAUSE THE STORY IS GETTING MORE INTENSE. 
> 
> To those of you who have been following this story, thank you so much, it means a lot to me. When I came up with the idea, I didn't even think it would get 20 hits, and I have over 300... So thank you!
> 
> All your comments mean so much, so if you want to leave one feel free! .xx

***Harry’s POV***

_ Hi Louis… _

_ To be honest, I don’t even know why in the hell I am writing this to you, because I’ve learned that apparently you don’t speak to me anymore. I guess I feel like if I write down some of my thoughts, it will make myself feel better. I’m not sure what changed after the ceremony, what I did to make you hate me this much. I’ve been absolutely losing my mind without you Lou… Nothing feels the same anymore, like I don’t feel anything. Its as if all my emotions are gone. The only thing I feel is pain and indifference. And now Jack is going around telling me that you’ve moved on? Is that the real reason why you stopped talking to me? Because there was someone else? When Jack told me that, I literally beat him to a pulp… He was really in the wrong place at the wrong time. Should I have beaten the shit out of him? Probably not, Storm got me in massive amounts of trouble, and there has been some talk of me being moved to the front line soon… for hand on hand combat. If this happened at the start of all this, of course I would have put up some kind of protest or something… But now, at this point in my life, without you, I genuinely don’t care if I don’t wake up tomorrow. It sounds harsh, and Liam has been trying real hard to talk sense into me… But its no use. So even though you won’t get this, there is a good chance this is my goodbye to you. Things are getting uglier and uglier out here, so when I head to the front lines, I doubt I will last too long. So I guess in the meantime, I’ll leave you with a positive note. Thank you. For showing me what true love felt like, I was at my absolute happiest when I was around you. You’ve made me who I am… More like was now. Anyway… As much as you have hurt me with this whole charade, I am always going to love you Louis William Tomlinson.  _

 

_ Till we meet again _

_ Private Harry Edward Styles _

My vision was foggy as another tear dropped onto the paper, causing the ink to disperse slightly. I slammed my fist onto the desk, craving that desire to feel something… Anything. It was so strange because I could feel myself crying, but I didn’t feel sad. I just felt indifference… If someone told me when I was deployed that this would be happening only a matter of months later, there is no way I would have believed them. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Nate, Charlie and Liam standing there. Charlie had his hand on my shoulder, and Liam was hiding something behind his back. 

“Whatcha doin mate?” Nate asked, his voice soft. They had seen a change in me since we got to Ireland. I finally opened up to Nate and Charlie about my relationship with Louis, and I let them in on Zayn and the fact that Jack was his cousin. After that, the four of us kept our distance from him.

“I’m writing a goodbye letter to Louis.” I sealed the envelope, picking it up roughly depositing it in the mailbox like I had this entire time, even though I knew it was never going to even be opened up. I walked down to the bathrooms, stopping in front of the mirror for a brief moment. I was shocked by my own reflection… My eyes were bloodshot and swollen from the lack of sleep and all the crying I have been doing. That coupled with the dark circles almost made me look like a zombie. And being inside all the time made me look unhealthily pale. Despite all the training and working out we have been doing, I was losing weight. I had almost no desire to eat anything, ever… Anytime I would eat I felt like I was going to be sick moments later. I bent over towards the faucet and splashed some water onto my face, taking a deep breath and walking back to the others.

“Harry… Can I talk to you please?” Liam questioned, but it almost sounded like he was begging me. I didn’t speak, I just nodded my head and followed him to a common area where we would be alone, at least for a little bit. I sat down on the cold concrete floor, my back nestled in the corner of the room, and Liam sat down in front of me. I could see the concerned look on his face, I have seen it for weeks now. Ever since Louis… His name left a trail of pure fire in its wake, and the only thing that could calm it were his cerulean blue eyes. “Harry… I-” I cut him off.

“Liam. Please don’t say you are worried about me. I know that mate, I can see it on your face.” He laughed,

“Then why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you let me help you H!? Its bad enough being here. I get that, and it doesn’t help that all this bullshit with Louis has to happen now, but keeping it all inside, is not helping! And I hate seeing you sulk around every single day, angry at the world. I miss the old H… The one I’ve known since were like 5.” He was crying now, “Please Harry. Let me help you, if not me, than at least Nate or Charlie. We are all upset you have been like this. You aren’t eating, we have to force you to take a shower… And now-” He paused, overcome by his emotions, “We have to go out on the front lines…” His eyes moved toward my skinny arms, his voice cracking, “And you look like a skeleton Harry. I don’t know how you are going to survive out there.” I bit down on my bottom lip so hard, determined not to cry… I could taste the metallic flavor of my own blood.

“Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want to survive out there?” I looked Liam dead in the eyes, my voice devoid of any emotion. He knew I was serious. I watched as he broke down further than he already had, and much more than I have ever seen him in my life. It was then, that for the first time in weeks… I felt something. It was like the gate that was holding in all my emotions, all my pain, opened up at once and I felt myself breaking down. “I don’t want to be like this anymore Liam. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this.” I sobbed, for what felt like days in Liam’s arms, before at some point just falling asleep.

 

***Louis’s POV*** (1 week after night out with Zayn)

I haven’t been to work in a week, I told Mary I came down with the stomach flu from one of my younger siblings. The truth was I didn’t want to see Zayn. After I ran outside that night, he soon followed me, trying to figure out what was wrong and what he could do to help. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t take away the insane amount of guilt I felt inside… I cheated on Harry… How could I ever have done something so stupid in my life? I went home after that, waking my mum up with my crying. I told her everything. She cried with me when I told her that I didn’t know what was happening to me. Nothing has felt the same since Harry’s graduation ceremony. She allowed me to fake an illness for a week, so I could really think about my feelings and figure out what I was going to say to Zayn when I saw him again.

And now sadly, that week was up. I got my work polo on, ensuring to clip the paper airplane necklace around my neck before heading downstairs grabbing an apple from the fruit basket and heading out the door. The walk to work was short… too short. And it took a lot of courage before I could actually open the door. I was just praying I got there before Zayn did.

“Louis! I’m so happy you are back love! The kids have missed ya, and Zayn has been worried.” Hearing his name made me want to run in the bathroom and vomit, but the urge got much stronger when I heard the front door open up behind me.

“Lou!” I felt two arms wrap around my front, Zayn hugging me tightly. I felt the urge to burst out into tears all over again. I knew I had to talk to him about this but it was not going to be easy. Instead of mentioning the looming conversation now, I gave him a tight smile, swallowing back my tears. “Are you alright? I was worried…” I nodded,

“Just sick from me little sister…” I couldn’t take this awkwardness any longer. “Well, best get to work…” I headed down towards the nursery, smiling genuinely at my little kiddos. Well, not  _ my _ kiddos but they felt like it to me. I scooped up one of the little girls into my arms, rocking her gently, pressing my lips to her soft pudgy little cheek. 

“I’m really glad you’re back Lou.” I turned to Zayn, our eyes meeting for a split second before I tore my gaze away. I could feel him coming closer, and the next time I looked up he was right in front of my face. His lips curled into a smile as we made eye contact, and I took a step back. “Are you alright?” He placed his hand on my arm, and if it weren’t for tiny Natalie, I think I would have smacked him.

“Yeah. Fine…” I took a deep breath. I knew what I needed to do. And I needed to be strong, for Harry and I, in order to fix this mess I made. “Listen… Zayn. We need to talk about what happened last week… At the pub.” Zayn’s smile grew when he realized what I was referring to. 

“What about it? It was amazing.” I was stunned. Speechless. Confused. What was he talking about? Maybe I was wrong, and he had absolutely no idea what I was referring to. My mouth was hanging open, and I’m pretty sure my jaw was a centimeter away from literally hitting the floor. “I know you must be confused…” He motioned to the rocking chairs in the back of the nursery and I followed him, sitting down on the padded chair, after grabbing a bottle for Natalie. “I haven’t really been honest with you Louis.” I squinted my eyes, as if that would help me figure out what in the  _ hell _ he was on about. 

“Okay…” Even I could hear the confusion in my own voice. “So you mind telling me what the bloody hell is happening?” I propped Natalie up on my chest, burping her for a moment before I allowed her to finish her bottle. I watched Zayn intently, noticing how he was rubbing his hands together, and his adam’s apple bobbed uncomfortably. I couldn’t help but wonder what on Earth was happening. He sat forward, briefly running his fingers through his jet black hair, which was styled in a quiff like normal. 

“For a long time… I struggled with the fact that you were gay. It didn’t make sense to me, I didn’t understand what it meant.” Just as I was about to argue, that that was no excuse to have beaten me up for almost a decade he spoke again, “Please… Let me finish. This is hard enough as it is.” I took a deep breath, and I could feel his mind contemplating whether or not he wanted to continue speaking. “So after a while really started to look at myself, and I realized that I’ve never genuinely cared about a girl… The only person I’ve ever really cared about at all is… you.” I sat there almost more dumbfounded than I did before and Zayn took my silence as a sign to continue talking, “I’m gay Louis. And when I finally figured it out, I hated it. I hated how different it made me feel, and I couldn’t beat up being gay itself… So I beat up the one thing that personified gay for me. That’s why I hurt you Lou, and I know how stupid it is. Trust me. When I look back at it, I get so angry with myself for hurting you the way I did. But I knew I couldn’t stay friends with you back then because I cared for you in a different way… And when Harry came around. That’s when my life became so much worse. Because you had really moved on. That’s why I want to be around you now, and truthfully that is why I got a job here. To fix my mess, and maybe… someday we could be more than friends.” I stared at the floor stunned, still. Taking a deep breath trying to process everything Zayn just told me.

“Umm. Wow. Ok… Is there anything else I need to know?” My head was spinning, I felt like I was going to pass out. 

“There is one other thing…” Zayn moved his chair closer to mine, his hands resting on my knees, his thumb caressing them carefully. “I… I love you Louis.”

 

***Harry’s POV***

“Alright Privates… I’m guessing everyone is wondering why I called this meeting at such an ungodly hour in the morning.” He waited, stifling a yawn,while everyone took place in their own little side conversations. “I received an update about our position with the Lieutenant, and based off of the mass casualties are side has seen, we are being moved to the front lines.” The emotions in the room were clearly palpable because we all basically knew that being on the front lines was essentially a death wish. “This change isn’t happening for at least a week… It will be during this week of transitions, that you practice the art of hand to hand combat. The front trenches are a dangerous place. You are only going to have seconds to decide whether you use a knife or a gun to kill the man across from you. That is the decision you have to make, not whether or not you kill them. Because as hard as this is for you all to hear, if you don’t kill them… They will kill you.”

The meeting was over and we were all pretty shaken up. We knew this change was coming, but I don’t think any of us were prepared for the intensity of it all. As awful as I felt inside, the last thing I want to do is kill someone. We headed to the common area because we had a little downtime to get a group meal in. 

“H, don’t you think it's really strange how we haven’t heard from Niall this entire time? Like he promised he would write us and that's not really something he would lie about or forget to do. He wasn’t even at the graduation ceremony.” Liam had been worrying about Niall since we left home, neither of us had seen him or heard from him since we left the train station. As shitty as it sounds, I never thought too much about it until now. And it was really not like Niall at all to do something like this… It was all just too much, Liam and I have lost so much in these past few months, the last thing we need is to lose another one of our best friends.

“We could always write him I guess?” I didn’t feel like sending another letter ever again in my entire life, but maybe Niall would actually answer my letters unlike… Louis. I was so incredibly tired of feeling like this… Like I had nothing else to live for, like my life would be over just because I’ve lost my boyfriend. I was determined to move on, despite the hurt I had harbored inside my heart. I was going to be better than ever, train better than ever, and get back home to move on with my life once and for all.

 

~ The Next Week~

 

The alarm blared at 4:30 in the morning, signaling that we all needed to get up and put on our uniforms before we ate a shitty breakfast and continue with our combat training. We obviously did physical training during bootcamp, but this is something entirely different. If anything, this kind of combat is more mental than physical. Trying to determine your enemies strategy in an effort to protect yourself and those around you. I thought for a moment about what it was going to be like out there… what we would see… and how we would feel. 

We’ve learned all about the various close range weapons we could use, and Storm tried to prepare us for the things we were going to see out there, but something was telling me it would be nothing like he was telling us. He told us to get mentally prepared to be scarred for the rest of our lives. He always had a way with words. 

After going non-stop for almost 7 hours, we got a 2 hour rest break, and we basically had as much freedom as we could have for being in an active battle zone. Liam decided to check our mail, and ran back to me with an envelope from Maura and Bobby… Niall’s parents. We locked eyes before looking back at the letter suspiciously.

“Why would Niall’s parents send us back a letter…?” Liam questioned, and I shrugged in response. Genuinely not knowing what to say.

“Open it I guess mate…” We braced ourselves for the worst, even though at this point we weren’t sure what the worst would mean. Our eyes scanned over the words at a rapid pace, both of us feeling faint by the time we read the whole thing. “He got deployed to Ireland…” This didn’t even feel real. 

“Oh my God H… What if we see him on the lines? I can’t kill Niall oh my God…” Liam was starting to have a full fledged panic attack, so I wrapped my arms around him, slowly bringing us down to the floor, running my fingers through his hair and encouraging him to take deep breaths. And then the question came into my mind, 

 

Was I doing this for Liam’s sanity… or my own?


	10. Night Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes?
> 
> Both Harry and Louis face changes in their lives, positive for some and negative for the other. Some light is shed on a serious issue regarding both of these boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!! THERE IS MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH IN THIS CHAPTER! 
> 
> THERE IS ALSO SOME GRAPHIC DETAIL REGARDING WAR, and keep your eyes peeled for the bold print, because there is a new character POV introduced in this chapter!

***Louis’s POV* (one month later)**

 

_ Hi Harry… _

_ So I still have no idea what is happening, I have no way of knowing whether or not you are ok. Liam hasn’t answered my letter, and I can’t get in touch with Niall either. Oh Jesus… you probably don’t even know that Niall got sent to Ireland to fight for them since he was born there and he still has his citizenship. I guess I am writing this under the assumption that something terrible has happened to you and I’ll never see you again, because as much as I hate to do this, I need to move on with my life Harry. I’m back in school now and things are getting more difficult to manage. Every day I am reminded of you, because you became a part of my everyday routine and schedule. Sometimes I walk by your old locker, waiting for you to come around the corner… And then its like something inside stirs me awake and I remember that this nightmare has become a reality. I wake up almost every morning crying, I can’t seem to get more than 4 hours of sleep. I am a mess without you Harry… I feel so helpless because I have no idea what happened to you. I’m sure if it was something serious Liam would have written something to me or your family. But there’s one thing I know Harry, and that's that I can’t go on like this anymore. I never thought I would have to move on from you, but I feel like I have no other option. I’m always going to love you… No matter what. But you’ve really hurt me Harry, and while I don’t have any closure, I need to move forward and better myself. Just please know that I love you baby. More than anything else in the world. I will never forget you, or the way you’ve made me feel. And I hope that if by some miracle you do get this letter, you’ll understand where I’m coming from and why I need to do this. _

 

_ I love you, _

_ Louis _

 

These past few weeks have been anything but easy. There was so much that I had to process, so many decisions that I had to make. Zayn’s confession about not only being gay but being in love with me was something I never expected. I told him that I needed some time to process what he had told me, which he was completely respectful of. We’ve been getting closer over this time, he has always being there for me when I would cry about how Harry still hasn’t sent me a letter, and how I don’t know what to do anymore. It feels like he is working so hard to put the pieces of my broken heart back together… and it has made me feel some butterflies inside. By no means did I want another relationship right now, I just got out of a serious one, but I couldn’t deny… It was nice to have someone there for me when I needed them the most.

 

I licked the envelope closed, pressing my lips against the back of it, the same ritual I had with every other letter I sent Harry, and I walked downstairs. I was greeted by my group of sisters, who were arguing about what to put on the television. 

 

“Oi! Relax, you lot are going to wake up the twins and mum is not going to be happy.” They all rolled their eyes at me, but managed to settle on one show to watch. I chuckled walking into the kitchen to grab a snack.

 

“How have you been holding up?” Fiz asked me, standing against the doorway of the kitchen, her eyes filled with concern. I smiled, for the first time in a while, without having to paste it on my face. I actually wanted to.

 

“Good… I feel like I’m finally moving on after all this time.” I have been keeping my family up to date on my situation with Harry, and Zayn. While my mum is still suspicious of the entire mess, she is slowly coming around to the fact that Zayn is back in my life and Harry has let himself out of it. “Maybe even falling for Zayn a little.” This was the first time I admitted it out loud, and it actually felt nice to say it… I was worried when I finally said it that I would feel some kind of guilt, but it felt almost meant to be.

 

“Isn’t it crazy how things work out? Like here we all thought you’d be with Harry forever, and he proved to be a real knob… And the knob we all hated may actually be the one for you Lou. Its really unbelievable that this has all happened in a matter of months.” I nodded in agreement, it had been about five or six months since Harry left home, and so so much has changed since then. Right when I was about to continue my conversation with my sister, we were interrupted by a knock at the door. I watched from across the room as Lottie went to open it, revealing Zayn, clad in a white button up shirt, tie, and dress trousers. My heart rate increased watching as he made eye contact with me, his lips turning into a smile, letting himself into the house, greeting me with a hug.

 

“Hey Lou…” His eyes were golden and really quite stunning to look at. My cheeks blushed when I saw the single rose he was holding out for me to take,

 

“Thank you, its beautiful… But what is all this about?”

 

***Zayn’s POV***

 

This plan of mine has been working out exactly how I wanted it to when I thought of it months ago. The moment I found out Harry was getting deployed, I knew it was my one and only chance to have Louis as my own. For years I had to force my feelings away, because of Harry. I hated that bastard. He not only stole my best friend away from me, but he also made him fall in love with him too. 

 

Was I in the wrong for a lot of things? Absolutely. I never should have laid a hand on Louis… And to be honest, thinking about it now, I couldn’t even figure out why I did that stuff. Maybe it was because my life got drastically harder when I came to terms with my sexuality. My family wasn’t very accepting of it at all, and they made me hate who I was. And when I really thought about it, the only person I could blame for me becoming gay was Louis. It does sound messed up, but that was my thinking at the time. So I took everything, and I mean everything out on him. It wasn’t until Styles came around that I realized what I was doing. He told me everything that I already knew, but didn’t want to hear. And that made me hate him, and I still hate him. He’s never had to deal with anything difficult in his entire life. Thats why when I found out about the deployment I was so excited.

 

I knew that my cousin Jack was going to be in the same unit as Harry, and I asked him to do me this favor before they left the country. Every day, Jack would check Harry’s ingoing and outgoing mailbox and take any mail that was inside. I want Harry to hurt, I want Harry to think that Louis wants nothing to do with him anymore. And I would check Louis’s mail here. And wow that son of a bitch sent Louis so many damn letters. It made me angry to see them. So angry that I still don’t feel an ounce of remorse for creating this plan, because it was working… The only time I had doubts was when I ran into Niall at the post office one day and he saw me going into Lou’s mailbox. He questioned me about it, knowing that I was up to something but he didn’t ask for any specifics. I just told him that Louis was sick and I was picking up his mail, but I could tell he wasn’t buying it. I didn’t worry about it too much though, because in the beginning of our conversation, he told me that he had been drafted by the army in Ireland, and would be leaving for battle the next day. 

 

I couldn’t let it worry me because I knew Louis would be at work until late, and Niall would be heading to bed early so there was no way he could have caught him and told him something was suspicious with me. I wrote about the incident in one of my letters to Jack, and when he wrote back he told me he would keep an eye on it. I was glad it never manifested into anything because Louis was slowly letting his guard down, and our relationship was back to what it was back in the day.I knew he worked at the daycare center in town, so I applied, hoping that I would get the gig and be able to speak to him more. At first, he was so distraught over Harry that he was barely uttering more than a word to me everyday, but with each day that passed, each day without contact from Harry, he was very slowly losing hope. 

 

The best night of my life, was the night at the pub. I had doubts that Louis would even agree to come along, so when he did I was so excited. And then he… he kissed me. It proved to me that everything I was doing was completely worth it, and it reminded me that I needed to be honest with him about my feelings, I owed that to him. He was obviously shocked when I told him, and I can’t say that I blame him after all the bullshit I did over the years. But since then, we’ve been getting closer and closer, and I have finally worked up the courage to ask him out on a date.

 

My hands were shaking slightly as I raised one fist to gently tap on the front door of the Tomlinson residence. It opened right away revealing an awfully confused looking Lottie, “What are you up to…?” Her voice was a whisper, she was definitely concerned about my motives, but I completely ignored the question because Louis had caught my eye. I stepped past her, letting myself into the house without thinking twice. 

 

“Hey Lou…” I spoke, feeling my cheeks turning hot as I handed him the single rose I had brought over. His adorable face broke out into a full on blush as he accepted it, bringing it up to his nose for a moment, smelling it.

 

“Thank you, its beautiful… But what is all this about?” He was questioning what was happening here, but I didn’t want to tell him with all of his siblings around so I asked him if we could head into the backyard. Louis nodded, leading the way to the backdoor, opening it for me and allowing me to sit down on the small area of grass in the yard first.

 

“So I’ve been doing some thinking…” I started out, looking up into his blue eyes, trying hard not to get lost in them. “These past couple of months have made me the happiest I’ve ever been Lou. Getting you back in my life, spending so much time with you… Finally admitting my feelings for you after so long. I feel free.” He interrupted me, laughing a little,

 

“You better not be proposing to me Malik.” His face light and happy. I couldn’t help but laugh with him,

 

“Not yet… Right now I was just going to propose… a date maybe? If you want?” A huge smile spread across his face as his hands reached for my own, holding them and giving them a tiny squeeze.

 

“I’d like that.” And that was all I needed to hear before wrapping my arms around his neck and giving him a tight squeeze.

 

***Harry’s POV***

 

Today was the day. We were preparing to fight in the trenches right on the front lines. I was absolutely scared shitless, we all were… Because we knew this could be our last day on Earth. No one spoke a word to each other as we suited up, tossing our heavy wool unis over top our heads, pulling them down, already sweating and we haven’t even exerted any energy yet. Storm was going to come down and give us our cue to attack when he felt like the enemy wasn’t prepared. I felt sick to my stomach as I picked up the rifle I was given, and even more sick when Storm complimented me saying how proud he was of me out on the field. I didn’t view that as a compliment though… I looked at the men sitting around me, and it was beyond shocking how much we have all changed in the few months of being here. When we arrived at the barracks we were somewhat optimistic, and we definitely still had our innocence, we were still teenagers anyway. But now… As I look around the room, I see many defeated faces, filled with fear, pain, and we were far from innocent now. 

 

Some of the things we’ve seen… Without even being on the front lines, was almost too much to bear. The only thing that was keeping us alive, in all honesty, was each other. While I had a close knit group of people at home, it paled in comparison to the relationship I had created with these men. I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that these guys would risk their lives, literally, to save my own. I took a deep breath, walking over to Liam, Charlie and Nate who have really become more like brothers to me at this point. We didn’t say anything as we stood around each other, but it wasn’t uncomfortable… If anything, this was the most comfort I had felt all day. I swallowed back my emotions as I threw one arm around Liam’s shoulder, the other over Charlie’s and reached my fingertips to touch Nate’s. I was silently praying… Which is something I rarely ever done, but with all that has happened since I left home, I needed to believe in something. I reached down the front of my shirt, pulling out the little paper airplane charm that hung from its chain, kissing it gently before squeezing it in my hand… As if it would protect me from some awful fate.

 

I could feel the bile rising in my own throat as we all heard the secret signal we were all dreading. Charlie ran to the corner and vomited all the food we had eaten in the past day, and I consoled Liam as he took a quick moment to just cry. I picked up my bowl shaped helmet from where it sat by my feet, and buckled it under my chin. The only person I could think about as we stepped up from our underground shelter was that brown haired, blue eyed boy that I hated because I loved him so much… Even after all of this. I thought about the future we always talked about having together, of all the things I would be robbed of because of this experience. The children we are never going to have, the wedding I’ll never be able to invite my family and friends to… My heart ached. He promised me he would never stop loving me, yet the moment I left England he told me not to speak to him anymore. I don’t think he realized what that would do to me. Even though he didn’t say he stopped loving me, his actions proved that he had. 

 

The bright morning sunshine hit all of our tired eyes, as we stepped onto the gravel that lay beneath our feet. I tried to focus on the crunching sound it made everytime we took a step. We were hunched over, in an attempt to conceal the upper half of our bodies from the enemy. I peeked my head up for a fraction of a second, gazing at my surroundings. I could see bodies scattered everywhere, some looked like they could still be alive… Some of them didn’t even look human any longer. I turned looking to my left, suddenly feeling lightheaded at the site of a body covered in flies, and other scavengers picking at the scraps of what was formerly a human being. We finally got to the trenches and we all jumped down, taking a deep breath that we managed to get there without being spotted. The smell in the tiny dug out area of Earth was absolutely sickening. It was impossible to have them cleaned out, and with the sun bearing down on this open field, everything inside smelled like literal death. We all tried to focus our minds onto the task at hand, mostly because maybe it would help us forget about our surroundings.

 

Storm locked eyes with me from the other side of the trench, signaling for me to take my first shot. I closed my eyes, thinking again about Louis and everything we planned… Praying that maybe somehow I could have that someday… 

 

I peeked my head out above the wall of dirt standing in front of me, my eyes scanning the entire length of the field, looking for an unassuming target. If I missed, the results could be detrimental because we all knew, once this first shot was fired all hell was going to break loose. I took a deep breath, lining my eye up to the viewfinder attached to my rifle, my index finger resting gently over the trigger. I moved my finger back a centimeter before my hands began to shake uncontrollably as this really started to sink in, that I was about to take the life of another man… Probably just like me. A young kid who had his entire life ahead of him, who was just trying to get back home to his parents, and maybe a girlfriend. A tear rolled down my cheek as Storm whispered, 

 

“Styles now or never!” My body jumped with the kick back of the rifle, the bullet piercing the Irish man’s chest, his limp body falling off its perch onto the ground. I ducked my head back down as we heard shouts coming from across us in all directions. We definitely nailed the surprise attack part of this plan, they had no idea we were coming. Our backup troops had just arrived behind us, with the larger equipment in tow. Storm shouted over the chaos that was ensuing, “We’ve gotta move out of the trenches now, they’re gonna be invading them soon.” We all tossed our bags over our shoulders, one of us jumping out at a time, while Storm and another Private stayed at the front wall, ready to shoot if someone aimed for one of our guys. 

 

After what felt like hours of getting our group out of the trenches, we were all suddenly scattered about, we probably looked like mice in a maze… And thats exactly what I felt like. I had no clue where to go, or what to do. I had just killed someone… I was in a weird daze, but I knew I needed to snap out of it or I was going to end up like him next.

 

“Harry!” I heard Liam screaming my name at the top of his lungs from the other side of the field, hiding behind a large mound of sand. I aimed my rifle ahead of me, trying to allow myself time to shoot if I was a target. I sprinted over towards Liam landing behind the mound, my breathing heavy and erratic. “Look ahead…” I once again peeked my head out above the sand, and almost cried as I saw my blonde haired best friend waving at me from across the battle line. 

 

“What is he doing? He’s gonna get himself killed!” I watched in horror as Niall kept creeping forward, getting dangerously close to the line, which was the most heavily guarded area. 

 

“He needs to tell us something, thats all I could hear from over here.” Liam and I were quickly joined by our friend who hugged us very, very briefly before starting to speak.

 

“I love you lads. Just know that… I needed to tell you this, in case something happens to me. Zayn is up to something and I think it involves Louis. I don’t know what it is, but I saw him at the p-” My eyes widened in horror as my mind tried desperately to comprehend what just happened. Niall’s body suddenly fell backwards against the mound of sand, causing it to collapse. There was a tiny red hole placed right in the center of his chest, dark red blood oozing out, covering his the fabric of his uniform. I screamed in horror. Someone killed Niall. Liam tried to shake him, in denial that this had even happened. I turned, needing to know who just shot and killed my best friend. 

The anger coursed through my veins as I saw Jack crouching behind us, a rifle steady in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen next? Stay tuned to find out :)
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment! This story gets happier I promise!


	11. Heart vs Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis goes on his date with Zayn but can't help thinking about a green eyed boy with curly brown hair. Meanwhile Harry tries to cope with the consequences of war as well as the loss of his friend and the pain in his heart without his Lou...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So just to clarify since I neglected to in the previous notes, this current chapter is taking place in December, so it is colder now! 
> 
> ALSO, there is some smut in this chapter, just so everyone knows! :)
> 
>  
> 
> One more thing! The italics during Harry's POV is a dream, I'm not sure if its clear enough or not, so I wanted to note it here!

***Louis’s POV***

 

I was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions… Zayn had put so much thought into this date, and I could tell how much it meant to him that I agreed to go. He said it was an early birthday present for me, and to be honest I had completely forgotten my birthday was approaching in a week’s time. It was actually really flattering, he tried to incorporate all of my favorite things some of which I didn’t even think he would remember… We went to my favorite restaurant and then visited the arcade. We were now driving in Zayn’s old red pickup back into our part of town. I had a lovely time but I couldn’t help myself from constantly comparing everything to Harry. I seriously wasn’t intentionally doing it, but no matter how hard I tried Harry was still on my mind. The smallest of smiles came across my face when I thought about the paper airplane necklace that was still hanging around my neck, hidden underneath my shirt.  _ Stop it Lou… Don’t think about him… You can’t think about him _ . I was right… It wasn’t fair to Zayn for me to be living in the past.

 

“Lou… Did you hear what I said love?” My heart was saying, “ _ Of course I didn’t hear what you said because deep down I know how wrong this is and that I’m trying to convince myself I don’t love Harry anymore but I know that I do _ .” But my mind beat out my heart and decided to speak instead.

 

“Sorry…” I averted my gaze immediately until I felt Zayn’s fingers under my chin, directing my head up, our eyes finding each other’s once again.

 

“Hey… You ok?” His voice was filled with genuine concern as he fingers moved to cup my cheek, caressing it gently. I nuzzled into the touch, desperate for myself to find some sort of a distraction, and I gave him a weak nod. “I don’t believe you…” His voice trailed off as I felt his arms move towards the small of my back, pulling me over the center console of the truck into his lap with ease because of how strong he was. Once again, my heart was screaming at me to stop, get out of the truck and run back to my house. But just as before, I ignored its pleas, agreeing with my mind which was telling me I needed some kind of distraction from the green eyed angel embedded in my brain forever… Even if it was just for a couple of minutes. I snaked my arms around Zayn’s neck, carefully pressing my nose against his, watching as he smiled, closing the distance between us and connecting our lips. I still wasn’t used to how much different it was kissing Zayn, but it was slowly becoming normal for me. I tilted my head to the right, allowing Zayn’s tongue access to my mouth. The kiss was getting hot quickly, and it had been so long since I’ve had any kind of love, that I suddenly found myself craving it. I moaned loudly as Zayn’s lips moved to my neck sucking a love bite as he went. I closed my eyes in pleasure, unable to stop the images of Harry being here instead of Zayn.  _ No, not again.  _ I was determined to distract myself from Harry. I trailed my fingers down Zayn’s chest, until I got to his crotch. The moment my hand was set on his length, it perked up, pulsing through the confines of his pants. I moved my hand up and down his cock as best as I could through a couple layers of clothing. Zayn’s breathing grew heavier as I worked, mumbling all sorts of profanities under his breath, his fingers finding their way under my shirt, pinching my nipples as I began to rock my body in his lap, craving some kind of friction. Zayn repositioned himself so that the both of us would get the most contact to satisfy our desires. “You are so fucking hot, I’ve been wanting to see you like this for so long. Want to see you let go.” My thrusts became more and more sloppy as I could feel my orgasm threatening as Zayn’s fingers laced into my hair, pulling me forward kissing me hard once again as I released into my trousers, 

  
“Oh Harry…” My eyes shot open, realizing what just happened.

 

***Harry’s POV***

 

My mouth was dry, my body felt like led… The realization finally hit that my best friend was just killed. Jack also looked shocked, as if he regretted what he just did. And I was going to make damn well sure he regretted it. My mind wasn’t thinking clearly, I felt like I was in this fog, nothing made any sense. Liam was crying, but he quickly stood in front of me, his hand resting cautiously on my shoulders. He had a brave face on, trying his best to ignore the barrel of my gun that was pointing in his and Jack’s direction… He knew what I was about to do.

 

“Mate please. I know you want to get revenge on him, he just killed our best friend. But this isn’t the time or place. Please give me the gun Harry.” My grip on my rifle tightened, my whole body shaking, still processing what happened in the past ten minutes. I felt Liam’s fingers wrap around my arm as he pulled me roughly, “Harry.” He looked me dead in the eyes, tears pouring down his face, his lip quivering. “Please.” 

 

“Fuck!” I threw my rifle onto the sand behind me, turning my attention back to Niall. I kneeled down next to him, not holding my emotions back anymore. “I’m so sorry Niall. Oh my God, I can’t believe this… What the fuck am I gonna tell your parents…” I grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly, trying to ignore how cold it had become. “Dammit Niall. What are we gonna do without you?” Liam patted my back, and I could tell he was still crying as well. I finally mustered up the courage to look at his face, feeling slightly faint when I saw how pale he looked. I took my hand and carefully closed his eyes, throwing my body on top of his own, embracing him for what would probably be the last time. 

 

“Storm! We have a casualty over here!” Liam shouted, trying prevent Niall’s body from ending up in the same condition as some of the other ones we passed out here. I could hear Storm’s footsteps approaching even on the uneven terrain, but I didn’t want to move, I couldn’t leave Niall. Everything happened so quickly… 

 

“Ya knew him?” The use of the past tense made me sick… I could barely hear Liam as he replied, his voice weak,

 

“Yeah… He’s our best mate.” Liam broke down again and I could sense Storm getting closer. I nearly jumped as he put one of his hands on my back.

 

“Styles… I’m really sorry Private, but we are still on an active battlefield. I promise once things settle down we will come back for your friend so he could be sent home to England.” I turned to Storm, barely able to see him through my tears, his words meaning the world to me.

 

“Thank you Corporal…” I kissed Niall’s forehead quickly before retrieving my rifle and used the back of my hand to try and wipe the tears away from my eyes. We jumped back down into the trenches after Storm suggested we go there and attempt to regroup… But all I wanted to do is make Jack suffer for what he did.

 

***3 Days Later***

 

Nothing has been the same. The anger and contempt I was harboring in my heart was something I never felt before. I had one goal and one goal only, and that was to get the fuck out of this utter nightmare. I didn’t even recognize Liam anymore, I’ve never seen him so angry all the time… He barely spoke, I didn’t take any offense to it because I know that he wasn’t directing it at me, this was his way of coping. If there was one thing I knew its that I needed to be there for Liam because we were literally all we had left here that could help one another. Charlie and Nate tried as best as they could to help us, but completely understood that there wasn’t too much they could do. I was surprised they were still trying so hard, but it made me appreciate them as friends that much more. Days passed by slowly, our routines were becoming painfully monotonous. Fighting raged on, and even Storm said that England was surprised the war efforts in Ireland were still taking place. No one expected us to be over here for this long.

 

What scared me more than anything else is how I slowly felt my humanity slipping through my fingers. Nothing seemed to matter to me anymore, when we would get out to the trenches, I didn’t think twice about killing someone. We were all becoming immune to killing other innocent people and I didn’t care anymore. I knew I needed to get home, I was losing myself the longer we were out here. I rarely slept for more than 3 hours a night, I would wake up with these horrific nightmares of me reliving every single battle I’ve been in. Sometimes they would become even worse and my family would appear in the middle of the battlefield… I would wake up screaming, body drenched in my own sweat. I didn’t know what to call this… But sometimes even loud sounds would trigger a fight-or-flight response. We could all be eating dinner and someone would drop their plate and I would pull my gun into an armed position because in my mind we were back on the battlefield.

 

It was winter now, so it was below freezing underground where our shelters were concealed. Many of the guys we were with lost fingers and toes due to the extreme conditions combined with the cheaply made uniforms we had. I glanced at the calendar we had on the wall of our shelter, noticing how Louis’s birthday was only a couple of days away and I couldn’t help but think of him. No matter how much he had hurt me, that man was still the only escape I had. Every time I stepped out into the warzone he was on my mind and I know that the reason I was fighting so much, was because I still wanted to get back home to him. I fiddled with my fingers briefly, knowing that everyone else was already fast asleep. This is how it went every night… The others would be sleeping and I would lie in my cot awake, unable to get the rest I so desperately needed. I tried closing my eyes, but not having my sight only accentuated the sound of the wall clock ticking. I used my pillow in an attempt to block it out, and I could feel it coming… That feeling when everything went black and I became another person… A monster. I couldn’t control it. I was a helpless soul trapped in my own body. The ticking kept getting louder. 

 

**_Tick Tock, Tick Tock_ **

 

“No… Make it stop…” I mumbled under my breath.

 

**_Tick Tock, Tick Tock_ **

 

“No! Its a bomb!” I lost control. I grabbed my rifle from its position on the foot of my bed, not hesitating to shoot the clock, the bullet breaking the device instantly, falling to the floor with a loud crash. 

 

“Harry stop it!” I could hear Nate’s voice coming from the bed above me, his body swinging down looking at me in horror as he saw the rifle in my hand. Everyone was awake now, my body was trembling… I slowly felt reality coming back into view. “Mate are you ok? What happened?” My wide eyes looked around, realizing that there was in fact no bomb in our shelter. I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated because I had no idea what was wrong with me.

 

“Sorry… I’m sorry.” He plopped down onto my bed next to me, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, knowing that sometimes feeling someone close by me helped me relax. Shortly thereafter, Liam and Charlie joined us, trying their best to get me calm down. I could feel everyone else’s eyes on me and I never wanted to be invisible more than I did in this moment. 

 

“H… Here. Let’s lay ya back down, just try and go to sleep ok mate? The clock is gone now.” Charlie ran his fingers through my hair in an effort to soothe me, and it was helping a bit. The three guys helped me get situated under the covers, gripping my arm tightly, and I could almost hear their silent prayers that I would be okay. I thanked them, not being able to speak any louder than a whisper. 

 

“No need to thank us… Love ya Harry.” Charlie and Nate shared their sentiments before climbing back into their respective beds, Liam lingering for a bit longer.

 

“Here H… Maybe you should try putting this back on. You never know it might help you get some sleep.” I looked down as he placed the paper airplane necklace in my hand, closing my fingers around it once it was inside. I took a deep breath, enveloping Liam into a hug and thanking him over and over for constantly being there for me. “Love you mate.”

“Love you too…” I watched him as he got back into his bed, turning his back to me, falling asleep within a matter of minutes.

 

I was still on edge. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried to hold myself together, the world was working against me and everything was falling apart. One of my best friends was dead. I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what else I had to go through before I could be happy again. My mind kept wandering back to what Niall was saying before he… was killed. He was saying something about how he felt that Zayn was up to something. I couldn’t wait to deal with that fucker when I got back home, his cousin killed my best friend, and I had a feeling that Niall was right. Something about this entire situation wasn’t adding up. I then found myself thinking about Louis… The boy who made my heart whole, and managed to break it all by himself. 

 

I closed my eyes, trying to focus in on my mind’s recreation of his beautiful face… The way the corners of his lips would turn up when he was trying to hide a smile, his little button nose… His smile that could light up the darkest of days. I thought about his blue eyes, that were so blue the ocean paled in comparison. Thinking about Louis is the only thing that brings me peace. I could feel my body start to relax as I fell asleep, paper airplane necklace in hand.

 

_ “Where am I?” I looked around, trying not to panic at the realization I had literally no idea where I was. I started running in all different directions hoping that I would see something that would give me a clue as to where I was. It looked like I was in a room entirely white, I couldn’t tell a difference between the ground I was standing on and the walls I was in the middle of. There was an almost angelic glow to the place. _

 

_ “Hazza!” That voice. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to see my boy… My Louis. He looked more beautiful than ever before. His small frame was clad in a nice fitting blazer, the black fabric contrasting perfectly with his eyes. “Well don’t just stand there love! Don’t I at least get a hug?” I was stunned. My feet felt like they were cemented into the ground. My mouth was hanging agape as Louis giggled, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. I watched every step he took as he closed the gap between us, reaching out and linking our fingers together once he was right in front of me. His face broke out into a smile as his fingertips caressed my hand gently before wrapping me up in a hug, nuzzling his face into my neck. “I missed you.” I hugged him back. In complete disbelief that I was holding him once again. I squeezed him tight, afraid that if I didn’t, he would disappear. I pulled away, my arms still resting around his waist. _

 

_ “This can’t be real.” That was all I could mutter as Louis cupped my face into his tiny hand, pulling me into him and connecting our lips and suddenly, everything felt right again. _

 

_ “Do you believe it now baby? Or do you need me to convince you some more?” He winked at me, his hands moving from my face down to my chest, resting there for a moment, awaiting a response. My mouth felt dry, I licked my lips trying to ignore my semi-hard dick. A sinful smile appeared on Louis’s face as he spoke again, “I think you might need me to convince you a bit more…” I nodded before Louis collided our lips together again, kissing me hard, his hands travelling down my torso before palming me through my pants. I moaned into the kiss, Louis humming in delight, knowing good and well that he still had this effect on me. I pulled away, planting my lips onto his neck because he loves to be marked up… And I love marking him up, showing the world he’s mine… Because he still is. Always will be.  _

 

_ I don’t know how, but we somehow ended up in a bedroom. I don’t know whose it was, but it was peppered with rose petals, and a bottle of champagne. I jumped a little, feeling something cold on my stomach where Louis’s hands were laying under my shirt. I was shocked when I looked down and saw a silver band around his ring finger. Could this be? We were married? “So my beautiful husband… what do you want?” Oh my God… Husband… I guess dreams really do come true. I placed my hand around the back of his neck pulling him down to meet my lips again, in a compassionate kiss. _

 

_ “I want you to make love to me… Husband.” The word sounded amazing rolling off my tongue, and Louis tried to stifle a moan, clearly also aroused by my use of the word. We made quick work of stripping each other of our clothing, hands grasping anywhere we could, needing to feel as much of each other as we could. I picked up Louis’s dainty little hand pressing my lips to the cold metal of his wedding band, admiring the way his entire face softened at my actions before he lowered his head, kissing down my torso. I couldn’t help but get chills as Louis’s mouth got closer and closer to my cock. “Lou please baby- need you…” His lips placed a quick kiss to the head of my dick before suddenly taking me into his mouth, and I couldn’t help but scream out in pleasure. “Its been too long baby, I haven’t- fuck, haven’t been with anyone else, only you.” Louis hummed in content, head bobbing up and down my length, taking all of it in. My hands gripped the sheets of the bed we were on, already feeling my climax approaching. “Shit- Lou, I’m gonna come…” I could barely get the words out before Louis pulled off of my dick, leaving it throbbing, begging for more attention. _

 

_ “Its too early, I’m not done with you yet.” He wiped some of my pre-cum off the corner of his mouth before instructing me to flip over onto my hands and knees. I did as he said, his fingers running down the length of my back before finding my arse and kneading the skin their in his hands. I bit my lip, trying to contain my impending orgasm as best as I could. My arms that I was once leaning on gave out the moment I felt Louis’s tongue licking at my hole.  _

 

_ “Oh my God- feels so good Lou. I missed you so much, love you always…” Louis tightened his grip on my arse cheek in response, knowing that he couldn’t do this much longer or I was definitely going to come.  _

 

_ “Taste good love…” He whispered pressing a kiss to my cheeks, before spitting on his fingers and quickly pressing them inside of me. The burning pain didn’t last long and it was soon replaced with a wave of pleasure. After a few moments of working me open, I could feel the tip of Louis’s cock lining up outside my hole. “Ready babe?” I nodded, begging for him, needing to feel full of Louis again, it had been so long. Louis and I both moaned, the stretch feeling so good. Even after all this time, making love with Louis never ceases to amaze me. It never gets old or boring, each time is like the first all over again. _

 

_ Louis was thrusting his hard cock inside me at a fast pace, changing his angle slightly knowing exactly where my spot was to give me the most pleasure. Louis kept dragging his fingernails across my back in all different directions, and I was getting more turned on knowing that if someone saw, they would know exactly what we were up to. My dick was really beginning to hurt, it needed release, some kind of friction. I leaned on my forearm, my other hand starting to travel down to my length. “No. Let me please…” I moved my hand away, feeling Louis’s own wrap around me shortly after. His pumping matched in perfect rhythm with his thrusts and before I knew it I was coming, screaming his name, my body falling onto the mattress. _

 

“Fuck Louis-” I jumped up, looking at my surroundings realizing it was all just a dream. I looked around, silently praying that all the other lads were still asleep, and was thankful when they were. I moved my attention downward, seeing that I made a complete mess out of my bed. I pulled at my hair, trying not to cry. It had felt so real… I felt like he was really here with me. 

 

“Dammit Louis Tomlinson, I still love you.” A single tear rolling down my cheek at my heart's declaration though my mind was telling me not to care anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so everyone knows, this is the only Zouis smut scene I will be writing as that is not the main ship of this story! I may allude to it in the future, but I won't be writing anymore. :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy, there is more to come, leave your comments below, I always appreciate feedback! .xx


	12. Climax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War rages on and everything reaches its boiling point...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH I AM SO EXCITED FOR EVERYONE TO READ THIS CHAPTER, IT IS REALLY A TURNING POINT IN THE STORY. I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY IT! I always appreciate comments, so leave one if you want :)

Louis’s Birthday

***Zayn’s POV***

I almost had everything together that I needed before I headed over to Louis’s for what was probably going to be the biggest moment of my entire life. Today I was going to ask Lou to officially be mine… On his birthday no less. It would either be an amazing day, or one of my most embarrassing. I just got him a bouquet from the flower stand, and I was planning on making him his favorite marmite chicken at mine. All I needed to do was quick stop in the post office and make sure that prick hasn’t sent Louis any more of his annoying letters. I had to admit I did feel a little bad because Jack had killed Niall, which wasn’t a part of my original plan, but he told me in his most recent letter that Niall was just about ready to spill the news that I had some kind of plan happening involving Louis and I am glad he handled it for me. I walked over to Louis’s post box, anger quickly flooding my veins seeing a letter from Harry. I ripped it open and pulled out the paper inside, my eyes scanning over the words. 

 

_ Happy Birthday Louis… I know you won’t answer this, but there is no way I couldn’t tell you happy birthday somehow. I hope that with whatever you are doing on your special day, you are happy because even though nothing is going right with me, that is all I want for you. Even if you can’t be happy with me, which is killing me (almost literally) I need you to be happy more than myself. I’ll keep this short, and I know you don’t want to hear this, and I don’t want to admit it but… I love you Lou Bear. Happiest of birthdays to you .xx _

 

_ Still and forever always yours, _

_ Harry _

 

Words couldn’t describe my anger. I was just about to throw away the letter like I had with the rest of them when I heard someone calling me. I crumpled the paper up shoving it into my pocket as I looked up, shocked to see Louis’s mum walking over to me.

 

“Happy Christmas Eve Zayn, I’m assuming you’ll be stopping by to see Lou tomorrow?” Jay had been very gradually warming up to me again, and that was all I could ask for… I did hurt her son for all those years so I can’t blame her for not liking me for a time.

 

I threw the door of the post office open, the tiny snowflakes melting instantly as they met my hot skin. I can’t believe he even still had the nerve to write. What else do I need to do? That’s when I thought of it. I pushed my idea to the back of my mind, trying to refocus my attention on the present and Louis because thats what was important. I turned the hood of my winter coat up over my head in an effort to have less snowflakes stick to my hair, and headed for Louis’s place.   
  


***Louis’s POV***

I couldn’t help but smile as my sisters grabbed my hands pulling me off the couch, getting me to join them in their Christmas song and dance party. This was some impromptu event they threw together every year on my birthday, which was always one of my favorite moments of the holiday season… But this time something didn’t feel right. I had been in kind of a bum mood all day, deep down in my heart I knew what was really going on, but I refused to let my mind speak it into reality.

 

“Please cheer up Lou… I know this birthday is a bit different than we are all used to but we have to make the most of it and you know that.” Lottie rubbed my arm before pulling me into her own for a tight hug. I smiled looking around at my sisters, they were all growing up to be amazing women and I could not be more proud to be their big brother.

 

“I love you lot… So much. Thank you for always knowing how to cheer me up.” I opened my arms as big as I could, “Right, group hug?” Daisy, Phoebe and Fizzy ran over from their place on the couch and I tried my best to hug all of them, before a knock on the door interrupted us. Daisy gave me a questioning look, because none of us were expecting any company. I shrugged in response walking over to the door, revealing a snow covered Zayn.

 

“Happy birthday Lou…” He said, giving me a small smile, presenting me with a bouquet of sunflowers and one balloon. I felt my cheeks turning pink at his kind gesture, before remembering that he must have been freezing.

 

“Thank you love, come inside…” I opened the door wider for Zayn to come in, which he quickly took up my offer on as he threw off his snow covered boots, and hung his jacket up on one of the hooks we had next to the front door. I took the flowers from his hand, bringing them into the kitchen and placing them in a vase with some water before setting them onto the table. I jumped a little bit when I felt Zayn’s hands on my hips, spinning me around, him trying to stifle a laugh.

 

“Did I scare you babes?” My frustrated expression caused him to erupt in laughter, as he moved in closer to me, snaking his hands around my waist now, resting just above my arse. I crossed my arms, determined not to give in,

 

“Yeah. You did actually, get away…” I shooed him away with my hands, “C’mon, I don’t want any affection from you right now.” He laughed again before smiling at me, 

 

“Aw Lou baby, don’t be like that! I have an entire birthday evening planned out for you…” My brows furrowed in confusion because I always spent my birthday with my family… And Harry. He would always come here and make dinner for my entire family because he knew how much I hated to leave them on my birthday.

 

“Zayn you know I always like to spend my birthday with my family… Its been like that since I was little.” I tried to keep my tone calm, but this was something that I knew Zayn was well aware of because when we were kids he would always spend my birthday here with me and my family at my house. It was a tradition that meant a lot to me. My eyes never left Zayn as I watched the way his demeanor began to shift. His body language told me he was growing angry, he crossed his arms as if to say he was starting to emotionally close himself off and become defensive.

 

“Louis for God’s sake you are turning 18 years old. Why do you want to spend every waking moment here!?” His tone was laced with venom, this was a flash of the Zayn I hated for so long. I wasn’t going to back down, I was going to stand up for myself, he wasn’t going to get me down anymore, especially not on my birthday.

 

“Leave. Please. I don’t owe you an explanation.” My face was stoic, I was determined to keep all my emotions inside, and there were so many brewing. I was sad, angry, and slightly fearful to see this side of Zayn again. As quickly as his anger came it went, I could see his defenses begin to crumble, and he almost looked a bit broken.

 

“No no no no no, Lou I’m sorry babes, I didn’t mean that. I was just-” He sighed, pulling at his jet black hair, trying to figure out the right words to use, “I just wanted to make this a special moment for you… And maybe have some alone time. Please don’t shut me out… Not now.” I took a deep breath, running through the different options in my head. He had proved a lot to me over this time… Did I really want it all to go to waste because of one remark? I brought my hands up to my face, my fingers running up and down in an attempt to release some of the built up tension I could feel developing. “I’ll make the dinner here Lou… I should have enough stuff for everyone.” I gave him a tight smile, appreciating his offer, but I knew my mum wouldn’t be too fond of Zayn making everyone dinner, especially because it was something Harry always did for us.

 

“Look, its fine. We can just… Go to yours this time.” I had this weird feeling in my heart… Like it was angry at me for changing my routine for Zayn. I watched as his entire face lit up with excitement but it neglected to make me feel any better… In all honesty I felt a little sick, it was like a sudden tidal wave of reality crashed on me and I saw how much I was beginning to change from the person I was four months ago. I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn’t even react when Zayn scooped me up in his arms hugging me tight.

 

“I promise I will make it worth your while.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before running back in the direction of his shoes and jacket, “I’ll meet you outside!” He said before shoving his feet into the boots and grabbing the jacket throwing it over his body before uttering a tiny goodbye to my sisters who looked up at me, seemingly unhappy. I averted their gaze instantly, not having the courage to meet their eyes because I knew they were disappointed in me. The throbbing in my head was worsening every minute despite my efforts to ignore it.

 

“Seriously Louis? You’re leaving?” Lottie spoke up first, the others chiming in after her but all their voices meshed into one which added to my headache.

 

“Enough! Please… I’ll see you guys later.” I turned away from them, grabbing my jacket and leaving the house without another word. I zipped my coat up as far as it would go before turning the doorknob shivering instantly as the cold air came in contact with my body. 

 

“I was beginning to think you were setting me up Mr. Tomlinson…” Zayn said with a chuckle, offering me his hand to old, which I accepted, mostly because it would provide me with an extra source of warmth. “Don’t worry I know you are always cold, so I started the truck up while you were inside.” I nodded in response but not really too much in the mood to talk. We arrived at Zayn’s in a matter of minutes and I couldn’t wait to get inside the heated home. Sadly I was less than impressed with the temperature of the house.

 

“Bloody hell its colder in here than it is outside!” My teeth were chattering as I tried to envelope myself into my fleece lined jacket even further. Zayn let out a laugh,

 

“Sorry love, thats what happens when no one is ever home…” I could tell there was more to that statement than he was telling me, 

 

“What do you mean? Your family used to always be home…” My voice trailed off and I knew I had to proceed with caution as we entered the next part of the conversation, because I didn’t want the old Zayn to come out for the second time today.

 

“They were… Until they found out I was gay. They um-” Zayn cracked his knuckles in a subconscious effort to prevent tears from escaping, “They moved out. I mean, they still come here sometimes but… They didn’t want to be under the same roof as me.” He paused, “I mean I guess it could always be worse, at least they let me stay here…” I thought back to when Zayn and I were kids and all the family dinners we ate here. I never would have imagined his parents to be so against his sexuality… 

 

“I’m sorry Z… I had no idea.” Any anger I had built up towards Zayn over the past hour vanished in this moment. I was beginning to learn more about my best friend than I ever had before and now, standing here all these years later, I can honestly say that I understand him more than I ever did. He didn’t say anything, just opened his arms and I let myself in, linking my arms around his neck, sitting down on his lap giving him a big squeeze.

 

“I love you so much Louis… That makes all of this worth it. Nothing else matters as long as I have you.” I allowed him to press a chaste kiss to my cheek before he tapped my thighs, signaling for me to stand up, “I wanna get started on the dinner.” He pecked my nose before standing to head into the kitchen and put on some Christmas music. As he stood up from coach, I saw a crumpled up ball of paper fall onto the floor.

 

“Hey Zayn you dropped this-” As my hand made contact with the paper, Zayn ripped it out of my hands instantly, shoving it into his pocket quickly. I looked up at him, my eyes filled with confusion and suspicion. 

 

“Its uh- Its a surprise for you for later…” But for some reason, I didn’t believe him. I fiddled with my fingers but I couldn’t help but wonder what was written on that piece of paper.

~

A short while later Zayn called to me from the kitchen telling me that dinner was ready. I inhaled deeply, mouth watering as the scent of marmite chicken filled every corner of Zayn’s home. I was stunned when I saw how the kitchen was adorned with many romantic little touches. There was a candle sitting tall on the table, along with another bouquet of flowers from Zayn with a card resting carefully on top. The chicken was already on the plates, placed perfectly on top of a pile of rice. 

 

“It looks lovely…” I said quietly as Zayn smiled at me, motioning me over to the table, pulling out my chair allowing me to sit. He sat across from me, and I dug into my chicken scarfing it down, it was delicious. I was trying to swallow the constant thought of Harry that kept bubbling up… Between that and Zayn’s eyes boring into me, I couldn’t focus on my meal. I looked up, meeting his golden brown gaze.

 

“I’m really happy you are here Lou… These past few months of us getting closer and closer… I can’t really explain how much it has meant to me. I’m here for you Louis. For the long term… I hope I have proved that to you by now. I know how hard this time has been for you since August… You deserve someone that won’t abandon you, whether it was intentional or not.” He reached across the table, taking my hand in his before giving it a squeeze. He took a deep breath, “How do you feel about me Louis?” My eyes looked over to our entwined hands, closing for a moment before seeing Harry’s hand in Zayn’s place in my mind. I opened them immediately, my mind wondering why this keeps happening to me… Why do I keep getting these weird visions of  _ him _ … I pushed the thoughts away,

 

“I’m very thankful to have you Zayn… Through this time. It has been so incredibly difficult trying to emotionally overcome these changes, but having you with me has made it a lot easier and for that I am grateful.” He brought my hand up to his lips, kissing it softly, holding it there for a moment.

 

“Open that card Lou…” My heart began to race as I reached out for the envelope that was on the flower bouquet. My hands were trembling as I brought it toward me, carefully pulling the card out of the envelope, smiling at the happy birthday greeting on the front. I held my breath as I opened the card, eyes scanning over the words, widening. I looked up to Zayn stunned.

 

“So… Will you be my boyfriend Lou?”

 

***Harry’s POV***

Yeah I broke down and wrote Louis a letter for his birthday, but I couldn’t help it. It was the first time in years that I couldn’t hold Lou on his special day… I couldn’t make him a special dinner for him and his family. It was tough. 

 

“Hey Styles, you got a letter here from Tomlinson.” Charlie said, my heart racing. I couldn’t believe it.  _ He wrote me back _ ? I got up from my chair so quickly I ended up knocking it down in the process. I ran to Charlie, tears beginning to cloud my vision on my way over, praying it was good news. I met him and I guess he could see the disbelief in my eyes.

 

“Really?” He put his hands on my shoulders for a brief moment, giving them a reassuring squeeze before placing the envelope in my hands. I was shaking, “Liam!! Nate!” I needed support as I read this, because I had literally no idea what the letter was going to say. My friends gathered around behind me, their hands on my shoulders as I began…

 

_ Harry. _

_ I’m not sure what else I need to do, I thought my first letter was clear enough. I’ve moved on with my life Harry… And I know it must be hard for you but you need to do the same. I am writing you this so you know that I am seeing someone else. Please respect me and my wishes this time… I hope everything is going ok out there. _

 

_ Louis _

 

I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like there was an anvil sitting on my chest, slowly suffocating me. Liam, who was reading the letter over my shoulder spoke up first.

 

“What is he daft!? Louis has never been like this H… I’m really sorry…” I didn’t speak. My mind was flooding with all kinds of thoughts, who was he seeing? Does this mean he really never thought of me at all? This entire time? I was so hurt… More even, I felt broken. I gave up so much for our relationship and now he is going to act as if it never meant anything to him? I felt a couple of hands on my shoulders turn me around and I was soon facing Liam, “Maybe its for the best Harry…” Anger welled up in my heart, which didn’t bother me much because it felt better than the hurt did. 

 

“You’re right…” It was in that moment, I knew in my heart, I needed to move on… No matter how much it killed me to do so.

 

~The Next Day~

 

I woke up with a horrible feeling in my stomach. The only way I could describe it is a feeling of impending doom… Deep down I knew something horrible was going to happen today, and quite frankly I was terrified. I placed my bare feet on the floor of the shelter instantly shivering on contact. The floor was freezing, well the entire shelter felt like ice because of the cold weather outside. It was easily below freezing at ground level so being below ground certainly didn’t help. Liam smiled when he saw me awake, “Morning H, you want some breakfast?” My stomach turned at the mention of food and Liam could tell something was wrong. “You alright mate? You don’t look very good…” I shook my head in response running my fingers over my forehead, trying to ignore how warm it felt and ease some of the tension I was feeling.

 

“Well morning sunshine, you look like shit! I reckon you need some more beauty sleep.” Nate said with a laugh causing Liam to giggle too. I scoffed throwing one of my pillows at his face. “Hey be nice love!” Nate said plopping down next to me on my bed. “You all should see how much it snowed overnight… It is going to be even more hellish out their than normal.” My eyes widened as I could feel the contents of my stomach creeping their way up my throat. I ran to the bucket that served as our makeshift bathroom unable to hold my sickness in any longer. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve, picking up the soiled bucket and adding it to the pile of buckets that needed to be cleaned.

 

“Harry mate, you ok? Seriously, whats wrong?” Charlie asked coming up to me, his eyes filled with concern. I answered honestly,

 

“I just have a really bad feeling in my stomach Char… Like I don’t know how to explain it.” Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of Storm’s voice, telling us we only had a few more minutes to get suited up, because the trenches needed backups. I felt a bit like a zombie as I moved through the shelter getting my uniform on, before clasping my paper airplane necklace around my neck and kissing it before tucking it under my shirt. Everything was in a bit of a fog still, almost like my mind wasn’t living in the present with the rest of my body. We all strapped our helmets onto our heads, buckling them closed and picked up our arsenal of weapons before heading up to the war taking place above our heads.

 

It was absolutely brutal conditions on the battlefield, snow was coming down heavily coating the gravel ground beneath our boots. I looked around feeling just as cold inside as it was in the elements, trying to ignore the bodies that were starting to become lost underneath the white flakes. Our guards were all high as we made our way towards the trenches, the smell of decomposition radiating from it, filling our nostrils the closer we got. Liam and Nate went down in the trench while Charlie and I were put in another group thats job was to take out as many people across the way as we could… We were snipers of sorts. I scoured the area around me, looking for a good place to hide and get a clear shot. Charlie and I managed to find a good spot that seemed to be high enough up to get a good view of the Irish army’s battle ground. Once we were situated, I looked around, and one of the soldiers across the way instantly caught my eye. Something he was doing just looked suspicious… He had jet black hair and piercing blue eyes… Not like Louis’s… Louis’s eyes had a comforting blue color, it was calming as if you were looking into the ocean. This man’s eyes were like ice… Sharp and honestly rather intimidating. He kept looking in our general direction and I began to worry that maybe he saw Charlie and I as we made our way up to this spot. 

“Charlie!” I whispered as loudly as I could. He looked toward me, walking over. “I think someone might have seen us…” The color drained from his face as he looked around, trying to figure out for himself if we were spotted. After browsing for a few moments Charlie refocused his attention onto me,

 

“I think we are ok mate, I don’t see anyone even remotely in our vicinity.” His reassurance helped me slightly and we did our job for what felt like days before we got a signal from the other side of our battle line, it was another Private telling us it was time to switch out. I signaled for Charlie to run across first and I would cover him. This run was always risky because there was no cover up here on the high ground, you just had to hope and pray that no one spotted you because they would have a clear shot. Charlie made it across and looked back at the battlefield to make sure it was safe for me to cross. He gave me a thumbs up, and aimed his weapon down below, making sure to cover me. I double checked my surroundings once more before I began to move across the high ground. Everything suddenly began to feel like it was moving in slow motion. I was about half way across when I felt this sudden and sharp pain in my leg. It was excruciating and it instantly knocked me face first onto the hard, snowy surface beneath me. I could hear Charlie’s voice, but it sounded like it was underwater. 

I tried to move but I realized then that I had been shot and shortly after that… everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED...


	13. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To the family of Private Harry E. Styles,
> 
> We regret to inform you that your son has been severely injured on the battlefield during his efforts to help protect our country. I can assure you he has made our England very proud, but due to the extent of his injuries he has been honorably discharged from his service. He is currently being cared for at King’s College Hospital in London in room 928. Along with this letter you will find an Elizabeth’s Cross to display Harry’s sacrifices to his country as well as an England flag.
> 
>  
> 
> We wish your family all the best,
> 
> Corporal Jason Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONE :D I'M FINALLY BACK WITH AN UPDATE! 
> 
> So in this chapter there are a couple new character POV's, I hope you enjoy them :) 
> 
> Also, please remember that any italics are either dreams or flashbacks! (in this case its a dream)

***Liam’s POV***

 

“Liam! Liam! Jesus Christ-” I turned around to see Nate sprinting towards me and based off the look on his face I instantly felt sick. His face was red because of the cold… and his eyes, were red from tears presumably. When we finally met face to face, he placed his hands on my shoulders, leaning over trying to take in oxygen. I tried to support his weight as best as I could, Nate crying more audibly now that he had a moment to catch his breath.

“Nate, you have to tell me what’s wrong mate. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible despite how I felt inside.

“Harry- he was…” Nate broke down all over again and I could feel the blood rush out of my face as my mind started racing to every conclusion imaginable. I forced Nate to look at me,

“What Nate!? What the fuck happened!?” I was completely frantic now and it was taking everything I had to not strangle everyone around me. Nate guided me to the ground, him and I both knowing that I needed to sit down for whatever he was about to tell me.

“He got shot Liam…” I could feel my eyes widen. My throat was dry and I felt like myself and everything around me was frozen. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I looked at Nate, feeling the tears well up in my eyes.

“Is he… is he-” My emotions choked me up as I couldn’t help but think of my best mate bleeding out, dying, feeling entirely alone.

“No… He’s alive. Charlie and Storm took him to the medical tent after Storm put a bullet through the skull of the paddy that shot him.” I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders knowing that at least right now Harry wasn’t dead. 

“I have to see him Nate.” Nate nodded along with me as checked our surroundings before making our way over to the medical tent. I could feel my stomach turn as we got closer and closer to the white tent. I could hear the screams of pain coming from some of my fellow privates who were being tended to in the tent. I pulled the back the curtain at the entrance of the tent being hit in the face with an odor of decay and for lack of a better word: death. Nate and I followed the sound of Storm’s voice over to the sliver of space that was devoted to Harry’s care. Another wave of nausea hit me as I looked down at my friend who I’ve never seen look so ghostly. The top half of his body was still clad with his uniform, the right leg of his pants was cut off in order to try and stop the bleeding. I put my hand over my mouth, my mind racing to try and figure out everything that has been happening in the past twenty minutes.

 

“They managed to stop the bleeding, but the bad news is the bullet is still lodged inside of his leg…” Storm spoke up, evidently being able to sense the anxiety that was radiating from Nate and I. The bile slowly rose in my throat, not really knowing what that meant. “Uhh… In other words, they might have to amputate his leg… The- the bullet is cutting off his circulation.” As awful as this entire situation was, I would rather have Harry alive and with one leg than not alive with two legs.

 

“Will he make it?” Nate finally spoke up, his voice laced with emotion. I swallowed hard, somewhat glad that Nate asked the difficult question that I desperately wanted to ask but didn’t have the courage to. Storm sighed, placing his hand carefully on Harry’s shoulder giving it a squeeze.

 

“You’ve got yourselves a strong friend here… He’s done England very proud. I know he’ll make it…” He paused for a second, “He’s finally asleep, honestly think the pain knocked him out for a bit.” He gave us a tiny smile before stepping away for a moment allowing us some time with our friend. I sat down next to the head of Harry’s cot, running my fingers through his hair with one hand, and holding his own with my other. 

 

“You love to scare me H… I guess you think you have to keep me on my toes.” I laughed, for my own sake, trying to make this entire mess a little bit lighter. I watched the rise and fall of Harry’s chest, matching up my own breathing to his, and in the process calming myself down. “I love you mate… You can’t leave me and I know that you won’t, but I just wanted to remind you.” I squeezed his hand once more before slowly stood up letting Nate sit with Harry for a moment, looking back outside to see Charlie running towards the tent. I could tell he was in a panic, so I decided to meet him at the front before he came in causing a commotion and waking Harry up.

 

“Li- Whats happening, I got here as quick as I could, they still needed my help and I couldn’t focus the only thing I could think about was H-” I knew I had to cut Charlie off, his rambling wouldn’t help his anxiety.

 

“He’s gonna make it Charlie… But they might have to amputate his leg, they can’t get the bullet out. He’s asleep now, but I think I’m going to stay with him for a little while and just make sure everything is ok.” He nodded, hugging me before Nate came over, saying he needed a break and went back to the shelter with Charlie. I took a deep breath before walking back over to Harry who I was very happy to see was still sleeping, so I sat down next to him and rested my head on the edge of his cot before falling asleep myself.

 

***Harry’s POV***

_ How did I end up back in this place? I looked around finding myself in the same mysterious white room I was in once before. The walls around me were glowing bright, as if I was in Heaven.  _

_ “Harry…” I turned around quickly to see Louis again standing across from me. “I’m so glad you’re here again my love.” He ran to me and wrapped his arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. I pushed him away, this time my feelings of utter hurt taking over as I remembered the fact that he moved on. Words can’t accurately express the look of shock and betrayal on Louis’s face as he tried to come to terms with the fact I just rejected a hug from him, which is something I don’t think I have ever done. “What’s the matter?” I scoffed, in disbelief that he was acting like he didn’t even know what he wrote down. _

_ “Why don’t you go to your new boyfriend? You said you’ve moved on eh? So please Louis, get away from me. You’ve done enough damage.” I turned away from him, walking in the opposite direction even though I had literally no idea where I was, or where I was going. _

_ “What the bloody hell are you talking about?” I could hear him racing to catch up with me but that only made me move faster, I wanted to get as far away from him as I possibly could, my heart simply not able to take anymore of this pain. “Harry talk to me! I love you, I’d never leave you love… ” I turned back to look at him with my tear filled eyes. I missed the calming blue of his eyes…  “Babycakes… You know I love you right?” My heart and my mind were arguing all over again. My mind was screaming at me to run, but my heart wanted me to do anything but that. I leaned into his touch as he rested his hand on my cheek, and then without warning Louis leaned in to kiss me. I backed away, not wanting to let him back in this easily, he had put me through hell after all. In that one moment of rejection, I saw Louis’s face contort with anger. “What the fuck is the problem? You don’t believe me?” He pushed me back and I stumbled, becoming more and more frightened by the way Louis was acting. I turned around and picked up speed, end was basically running at this point when this sharp, sudden pain brought me to the ground. I screamed in agony, grasping my leg, unsure of what was happening. Louis was next to me, supporting me as I struggled to sit upright. I looked around to see the whiteness of the room turning gray to black, with lines of blood running down the walls. _

_ “GOD someone help me!” I screamed, praying that this pain would go away. _

 

“Help me!” I screamed, thrashing about on the hard surface I was laying on. Within seconds there were nurses crowding all around my cot, assessing the situation, trying to figure out what their next move should be. They all looked stunned and frightened, which didn’t help my feelings at all. I watched as one nurse ran over to get the doctor who came over, looking at me once before saying something into his pager. Another wave of pain hit and I gripped onto the sides of the cot trying as best as I could to ride it out. “Jesus Christ can’t anybody give fucking pain medication here, what is wrong with you people!?” I felt a hand on my arm and I turned to see Liam and in that moment everything got just a little bit better.

 

“I’m here mate… Listen, we are going to be bringing you to a hospital in London, you need to have emergency surgery. They were going to perform it here, but the procedure is just too complicated and there are too many risks.” I could tell Liam was trying so speak as calmly as possible, which I really appreciated considering I knew he was panicking just as much as I was. It was only moments later when I saw the doctor walk back over to me,

 

“Alright Mr. Styles, we are going to give you some pain medication that will help you until you arrive at the hospital.” And that was the last thing I remember before the medicine took over and allowed me to gain a little more sleep.

 

***Gemma’s POV* (2 Days Later)**

I just got out of work at the local school and was making the brief walk back home… Well it would have been even quicker if it weren’t for the bloody snow and ice that coated every square inch of the ground below my feet. I adjusted my rucksack on my shoulder trying to shift some of the weight from my various textbooks. I was almost at our drive when I stopped dead in my tracks. There was a British soldier standing at our door, my mum standing in the entryway, and I could hear her crying from here. “Harry…” I whispered, sprinting the rest of the way, not caring if I slipped on ice in the process. By the time I got to them, only a matter of seconds later, mum was on her knees screaming on the ground, grasping a piece of paper in her hands. My eyes were wide, my mind struggling to comprehend everything that was happening. “Mum…” I slid around the tall, uniformed man that was in between me and my mother. “Has something happened?” She opened her mouth to speak but her sobs interrupted her once again. Instead she handed me the piece of paper she had a hold of, both of our hands shaking as we reached out for one another. I unfolded it,

 

**_To the family of Private Harry E. Styles,_ **

**_We regret to inform you that your son has been severely injured on the battlefield during his efforts to help protect our country. I can assure you he has made our England very proud, but due to the extent of his injuries he has been honorably discharged from his service. He is currently being cared for at King’s College Hospital in London in room 928. Along with this letter you will find an Elizabeth’s Cross to display Harry’s sacrifices to his country as well as an England flag._ **

 

**_We wish your family all the best,_ **

**_Corporal Jason Storm_ **

 

I was crying by the time I finished the letter, turning to the man that delivered it, “So he’s alive?” He didn’t speak, but I could tell he was emotional by looking in his eyes. He nodded and I turned back to my mum, “We need to get to the hospital now!” She had managed to get herself off the ground, making eye contact with me,

 

“Gem… Babe, neither of us are in a state to drive right now…” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

 

“Mum, he might be dead soon for all we know! If you don’t want to go, I’m going.” I walked by her throwing my school bag down, only keeping my purse before heading back to the front door. Mum was talking to the soldier before she turned back to me.

 

“Nate said he would drive us…” I looked up at him, barely recognizing him from when we briefly met at Harry’s graduation ceremony. I was shocked by how much this war had aged them… I could only imagine how my poor brother looked. We followed Nate to the truck he arrived in, Robin planning to meet us there, as Nate had told us that someone else went to his workplace. 

 

The car ride was a little over three hours and it was silent the entire time. The air was heavy with a feeling of uneasiness until a few moments before we arrived at the hospital.

 

“Nate… Did you see it?” Mum asked, her voice very shaky and I watched Nate’s reflection in the rearview mirror. His eyes glassed over with tears at the mention of my brother and his stoic expression finally broke. He pulled the car over to the side of the road, not wanting to put us in harm’s way because he knew he wouldn’t be able to drive like this. His hands gripped the steering wheel tight as he rehashed the incident.

 

“I didn’t see it happen… Charlie was the only person with him and he feels entirely responsible for this whole mess… But I did see him in the medical tent…” Mum and I took in a deep breath, not wanting to push Nate any further because we could both see this wasn’t easy for him. “Let me just tell you Mrs. Twist… Your son has become like a brother to all of us. We knew no matter what Harry would have our back, I know how strong he is… And I know he’s going to be okay even though it doesn’t seem like it right now.” Mum reached across the center console of the car, placing her hand over Nate’s squeezing it as a sign of gratitude for the kind words he shared. 

 

A few moments later we were pulling into the parking deck at the hospital, both happy to have finally arrived yet dreading to get out of the car. Nate opened both of our doors for us, mum grabbing my hand and holding it for dear life as we walked inside the hospital. We were immediately met with that unforgettable sterile smell that aimed to mask the odor of sickness and death. Nate led us to the reception desk, before the nurses nodded at him signaling for us to go down the hallway towards the elevators. The trip to the ninth floor went by rather fast and my mind was blind to my feet guiding my every step towards room 928. When we arrived to the door there was another soldier standing guard in front of it, nodding at Nate and my mum and I. He opened the door as the three of us slipped into the room, closing it behind us. My mum ran over to Harry’s bed grabbing his hand, kneeling next to him trying her best to contain her sobs. I walked over very slowly… feeling sick the closer I got to Harry. He was so pale… His skin almost had a grayish quality to it and he was connected to all kinds of tubes and machines working hard to ensure his condition continued to be stable. His lower half was covered by multiple blankets, his top half enshrined with a hospital gown. I was having difficulty breathing, I needed to turn away… There was a knock in the door, which I answered, thankfully it was a doctor.

 

“Hi there… My name is Dr. Jordan, I’ve been taking care of your… son and brother? I’m assuming you are his mum and sister?” We both nodded as he continued, “Harry is doing well even if his looks may be telling you something different. He lost a significant amount of blood on the journey over to the hospital, but we have given him some more and managed to get the bullet out.” I felt more faint at this news… Because no one ever really told us what actually happened to Harry out there.

 

“Oh my God… Someone shot my son… My baby.” My mum kissed Harry’s forehead returning to her crying state. The doctor maintained his pose as he explained what he knew about the situation.

 

“Yes, from my understanding Harry was shot once in the leg, the bullet nicked his femoral artery, which is why he was losing blood so quickly. Once he arrived here was were able to get the bullet out, but unfortunately his lower leg, below his knee had become necrotic…” Mum and I looked at each other confused by the medical terminology. “In simpler terms, his tissues were deprived of oxygen due to the lack of blood… And because the leg had gone so long without blood flow, we had to amputate it.” He paused allowing us to try and absorb some of this information, even though it wasn’t nearly enough time. “The most difficult thing, aside from the physical changes, is going to be his body image. As his family, it is going to be very important for you to be as positive about this change as possible… Do you have any questions right now?” I looked back to my mum who was still stunned and clearly hadn’t processed any of this yet, so I decided to speak up.

 

“Will he be able to walk again…?” The doctor gave me a small smile before speaking. 

“Luckily for Harry, prosthetic limbs have come a long way since they were first invented, and with a lot of therapy, there is no reason why he won’t be able to walk in the future… It is just going to take some time and a lot of willpower.” He looked at me, waiting to see if I had any other questions. 

“Ok… Thats all the questions I have…” I turned around to mum again, “Mum, did you want to ask the doctor anything?” She finally stood but I could see her mind debating whether or not she wanted to leave Harry’s side. After a few more moments she walked over, extending her hand for the doctor to shake.

“Thank you for taking care of my son… He means everything to me.” The doctor gave her a smile, lending a kind hand onto her shoulder.

“Its my job Mrs. Twist… He is an absolute pleasure to have as a patient, and thank him for his service again from me.” Mum continued shaking his hand,

“Please feel free to call me Anne.” He nodded giving his regards to us before exiting the room. We both walked back over to Harry, finally mustering up the courage to take a hold of his hand, leaning my head on his bed,

“We’re here brother… We’re so happy to see you.” I pressed my lips to the back of his hand, startling when I saw him begin to stir.

“Harry! Love… We’re here… I’m never leaving you again.” Mum tried to embrace him without hurting him any further. He groaned in pain, opening and closing his eyes a few times, trying to get reacquainted to the light. His eyes widened when he realized we were here, his voice cracking,

“Oh my God…” Tears started to spill over in Harry’s eyes, causing mum and I to cry all over again. “I missed you both so much.” We all cried for a minute together, enjoy our reunion, but I couldn’t help the feeling that he was awaiting the arrival of someone else that wasn’t here…   

 

***Louis’s POV* (2 Days Later)**

After Zayn asked me to be his boyfriend I knew it was going to be a decision that I needed to think about… So after giving it a couple days, I said yes. And it had been an absolutely lovely two weeks. We hadn’t really been apart, but in all honesty I didn’t mind. Zayn had really changed and has devoted so much of his time to making me happy. We had just gotten out of work and Zayn was going to treat me to dinner.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just drive to the restaurant Lou?” Zayn asked, lacing our fingers together. I smiled subconsciously at the touch, cheeks reddening when I realized Zayn was watching me.

“Yeah, even though its cold, town is so beautiful in the wintertime… Covered in snow.” Zayn stopped walking pulling my hand towards him, my body suddenly pressed up against his chest. He looked absolutely radiant… The white specks of snow contrasting beautifully to his jet black hair.

“I think you look even more beautiful…” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face as Zayn leaned in to kiss me. We were both smiling into it, laughing as we pulled away, Zayn pecking my nose once more.

“We just need to stop by my house, I wanna get out of these baby poo clothes.” We both giggled recalling the mess we were involved with at work today. We kept chatting as we approached my house, when I noticed a woman dressed in a winter coat standing by the front door. “Who is that?” I squinted my eyes trying to get a clearer picture and once I put the pieces together I felt faint. “Gemma…” I let go of Zayn’s hand running up to my house. “Gem?” She turned towards me, giving me a very weak smile and I knew right away something was beyond wrong.

“Hi Louis… Zayn…” Her voice trailed off as she tried as best as she could to kindly acknowledge his presence, but I could tell she was surprised to see him. 

“Hey… How have you been?” She bit her lip, swallowing down her emotions before speaking again.

“Honestly, I’ve been better… Can we go inside?” I looked back at Zayn who encouraged me to open the door before the three of us entered the house. 

“GEMMA!” All of my sisters ran to her hugging her and it made my heart warm remembering how close my and Harry’s families were… Until he abandoned me. She greeted them all, returning their hugs before she turned back to me. 

“Where do you want to talk?” I motioned to the dining room, “Zayn do you want to stay in here?” He nodded regretfully, knowing whatever this was, I needed to do it alone. Gemma and I moved into the dining room sitting down across from one another.

“So you and Zayn? What are you dating?” There was a hint of disappointment and some disbelief in her voice, which made me feel outrageously guilty. I nodded slowly, trying my hardest not to make eye contact as I didn’t feel like I could face her yet. “Wow… Ok well anyway um…” She cleared her throat, “There’s a reason why I’m here.” My eyes very slowly made their way back to Gemma’s face and my mind was trying to figure out what she could be here about.

“What is it Gemma?” My heart began to race, “Has something happened to Harry?” She nodded before crying and I wanted to run to the bathroom and be sick. “Gem… Please what happened?” And the next thing she said would change my life and everything I thought I knew forever.

“He was shot…”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, let me know if you liked it with a comment :) I love to hear any feedback you may have! .xx


	14. Painful Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis reacts to the news about Harry & decides to go with Gemma to the hospital to see him for the first time in almost 1 year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONE. I'm really sorry this has taken me so long to post, life kind of got a little bit crazy all of a sudden, and this chapter is pretty short, BUT... yeah. I hope you enjoy, we are finally getting back on track with Larry stuff :)
> 
> also there is a lot of POV changes within this chapter, but yeah... enjoy .x

***Louis’s POV***

 

My blood went cold, my vision went black, the voices around me were shouting something but I couldn’t respond. My body shut down as my mind tried to process what Gemma just told me. Harry was shot… Did this mean he was dead…? 

 

“Louis? Lou!” I felt hands on my shoulders trying to wrestle me awake. I slowly opened my eyes, squinting slightly as they worked to adjust themselves to the light. I was lying on the floor of the dining room, Zayn and Gemma standing above me, both with worried looks covering their faces. This couldn’t be real… It had to be a mistake. I was trying desperately to take a breath, but it felt like there was a two ton weight sitting on top of my chest. My eyes began to widen with panic as I realized I couldn’t breathe. Everything I was hearing sounded like it was muffled, so I couldn’t make any of the words out. I watched through a cloudy gaze as Gemma propped me up and Zayn went to retrieve my inhaler from the kitchen drawer. Gemma carefully put the inhaler in my mouth and luckily I was with it enough to breathe in the medication. After a couple of minutes I started to come to, the fogginess going away, leaving me to deal with my shock. Gemma’s words hit me all over again and I allowed myself to cry, I couldn’t put on the front any longer. With this new information, every single emotion I have felt towards Harry came back. The anger, hurt, love, sadness, everything came storming back with a vengeance. Zayn enveloped me in his arms as I tried convincing myself he was doing a good job of comforting me. His fingers ran through my hair, while his other hand caressed my back gently. I opened my mouth to speak, cringing slightly at how dry my throat was.

 

“Gem- Gemma…” I turned to her, her eyes glazed over with tears, she grabbed at my hand trying to calm me down.

 

“I’m here Lou… What is it?” I took in a deep breath, fighting a battle within myself to build up enough confidence to ask one question that would forever change my life, depending on what the answer is.

 

“Is he… Did he… die?” My stomach instantly turned into knots as the word fell off my lips. Gemma bit her lip, trying to bite back as much emotion as she could, I could tell she had been dealing with a lot lately. She sighed,

 

“No… But he’s in the hospital now-” I cut her off right then in there,

 

“I need to see him.” I could feel Zayn’s eyes boring into me, but I didn’t care. Not one bit. There was nothing he could do or say that would make me change my mind about this. I needed to see Harry, I needed to see that he was alive.

 

***Zayn’s POV***

Well this was not something I thought of when I created this plan… I didn’t think Harry would be back early because of an injury. And I definitely didn’t think Louis would be this adamant to see him.

 

“Zayn. Listen love. I know the reason you don’t want me to go is out of concern, but I’m going to see him. I don’t care how angry you are about it, you aren’t changing my mind.” I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, trying my best to stay calm. I needed to prove to Louis that I can be everything he wants me to be and letting my anger towards Harry surface would not help my cause.

 

“Fine… Are you going now?” I could tell Louis was shocked by how easily I agreed without causing a fight and he looked quite thankful I didn’t. He nodded,

 

“Yes, Gem is going back anyway to switch places with Anne- I mean Harry’s mum… I’ll see you later alright?” He wrapped his arms around me and I planted a kiss on his forehead muttering him a small reminder that I loved him. Gemma watched my every move as she placed an arm around Louis’s shoulders as the pair exited the house. I exhaled, biting on my lip, trying to think about how this could go sour very quickly, as I walked back home.

 

***Gemma’s POV***

 

Louis was very quiet during the beginning of the car ride and I presuming it’s because he felt uncomfortable regarding my knowledge of his new relationship. 

“Louis… listen. I don’t know what you’re thinking, I don’t know what happened to you and my brother… But I’m not mad you moved on. Just more confused.” He threw his head back against the headrest, fiddling with his fingers nervously.

 

“I just don’t think he’s going to want to see me. A lot has and hasn’t happened at the same time. I know it doesn’t make any sense… But I can’t talk about it right now Gem. This has literally been eating me up for months. I don’t know what I’m walking into.” Now I was 100% confused. When I asked Harry about Louis, he immediately became defensive, wanting nothing more than to change the subject to literally anything else. I didn’t want to push the issue, because I didn’t want him to shut us out.

 

“Well… Whatever it is Lou… I think you need to talk it out with him.” Louis and Harry’s relationship was always something I admired, even though they were both younger than me, I wanted nothing more than to have the love they shared. 

 

“Yeah… I’ll try.” He sighed, looking back out at the view outside the window, leaving me to wonder what could have possibly gone wrong. I bit my lip, thoughts running around my head.  _ Why wouldn’t my brother want to see Louis?  _ Something didn’t make sense… How could all of this have gone wrong without Harry even being in the country? I turned back to Louis, wanting to ask him another question, quieting myself when I found him asleep. I smiled, thinking about all the good times the entire family has had with Louis and I realized I really do love him like he’s my own brother. It was in that moment I silently prayed that everything would be ok.

 

***Louis’s POV***

 

I heard Gemma’s voice saying my name, my eyes opening slowly and for a moment I forgot where I was. 

 

“We’re here. Are you ok?” I looked out the window at the hospital building, mentally preparing myself for whatever the hell I was about to walk into. Gemma wrapped her arm around my shoulders as we made our way to the hospital doors and I couldn’t believe how much comfort I felt in that moment.  _ Why didn’t I feel this comfort with Zayn?  _ The sudden smell of hospital hit my nose, causing me to come back to reality. I looked around at all of the sick people, family members huddling around one another, crying because of the condition of their loved one… Other families celebrating the beauty of a new life coming into the world. I didn’t know what to think… I have never been this nervous to see Harry… ever. It feels like we don’t know each other anymore… He has basically written me out of his life, which hurt me more than anything, yet somehow I was able to suppress my emotions… Until now anyway. 

 

We stepped into the elevator, my heart rate increasing with every beep, indicating we were getting another floor closer to Harry. Gemma stepped into the hallway first, myself following, and I could actually feel Harry’s presence. Even after all this time its like we are still drawn to each other… I could see a tall uniformed figure standing outside Harry’s room, “Who is that?” I whispered, Gemma pulling me gently to the side.

 

“Thats another soldier, he is just standing guard in front of Harry’s room in case the shooter tries to come back.” I felt another wave of nausea come over me, my mind never being able to process that this happened to him. I nodded in response, taking a deep breath as Gemma held my hand walking us toward the door. She greeted the soldier, who smiled at the both of us before turning the doorknob, granting us access inside. Harry’s curtain was pulled closed so I couldn’t see him right away, instead Anne and I locked eyes instantly. I could see the look of surprise on her face as she ran over to me, trying her best to be quiet, since I guess Harry was asleep. 

 

“I knew you would come love… I just knew it.” Her eyes were watering as she pulled me in for a hug, “I missed you so much. I know Harry did too Lou.” I didn’t even realize I was crying until Anne pulled away looking at me for a brief moment before pulling me back into her arms, “What’s the matter love? Why are you crying?” I tried my best to compose myself before I ended up waking Harry up. I took a deep breath, wiping my tears gently with the back of my hand. 

 

“I just don’t think he’s going to want to see me…” My voice trailed off in a whisper but ended up sounding like more of a sob.

 

“Mum?” My entire body stilled and felt numb. I couldn’t form a single coherent thought as my body slid itself to the floor, my back against the wall. Anne instantly turned all her attention back to her son, running behind the curtain, making sure he was alright.

 

“Harry love, you have a visitor here…” Harry didn’t respond and in this moment, I wanted nothing more than to run out of this hospital and back home.

 

“Mum I feel like shit, I don’t know if I want to see any-” We both became breathless as Anne pulled back the curtain revealing the two of us to each other for the first time in a long time. I saw relief as I looked into Harry’s eyes, the emotions then quickly changing to something I couldn’t recognize. He opened his mouth to say something, before changing his mind, looking to Anne and asked her if we could have a moment.

 

***Harry’s POV***

 

A familiar noise stirred me from my sleep, it was barely audible but for some reason I heard it loud and clear. When I opened my eyes I noticed my mum was gone and more than that I noticed a presence… a comforting one… one that I missed for so long.  _ No… it can’t be… Can it?  _

 

“Mum?” My voice was thick with sleep as I turned myself around in bed, now facing the closed curtain, that was blocking me off from the other half of the room. Moments later my mum came around the curtain, eyes temporarily filled with worry before she realized I was okay. She kneeled on the floor next to my bed, her hands running through my curls, calming me down. I began to shut my eyes again, the medications they were giving me for pain making me extremely tired.

 

“Harry love, you have a visitor here…” My eyes shot open.  _ So I wasn’t imagining it? Could it really be him? No… There’s no way in hell.   _ I have my mum a confused stare, anger setting back in when I realized that Louis would never show up here… He’s moved on, why would he come here?

 

“Mum I feel like shit, I don’t know if I want to see any-” My sentence was cut off when my mum suddenly pulled the curtain back revealing a tearful Louis sitting against the wall opposite of me. I felt faint. This had to be a dream. Why was he here? I couldn’t help the initial feeling of pure happiness that overwhelmed me at the sight of him… The relief I felt that maybe, just maybe everything would be ok. Luckily for my emotional health, reality set back in and I remembered all of the bullshit that he’s put me through since I left home. I couldn’t find the words that I needed, hell, I really didn’t even know what words I needed to say. “Can we… have a moment?” My mum nodded looking to Gemma who felt very tense and uncomfortable, sensing that there was clearly something very wrong with this picture.

“Gem… Let’s go down to the cafeteria. You boys want anything special?” I watched Louis intently as he politely said no to my mum, that he wasn’t hungry at all. She simply nodded in return and before I knew it, we were alone for the first time… in a while. I continued watching Louis as he twiddled with his thumbs, still sitting against the wall, refusing to make eye contact with me. I couldn’t take this silence anymore. I needed some answers.

 

“So…” His head snapped up instantly at the sound of my voice, “Why are you here?” My voice was much more cold and filled with anger than I even realized. Louis bit his lip, slowly standing up and coming closer to me.

 

“May I sit here?” I hated how formal this conversation was… and I hated how our relationship somehow got to this point. I nodded, watching as he sat down. He’s changed… He looks thinner than he did before I left, almost too much… His golden tan skin is paler than it was before. He looks sickly.

 

“Well?” I wanted to keep this conversation going because I couldn’t take this awkward tension anymore. Louis sighed, taking a deep breath,

 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay…” I scoffed. I couldn’t help it. He doesn’t write back to any of my letters for almost a year and now all of a sudden that I almost died he decides to show up?

 

“Oh please Louis stop.” He looked absolutely shocked and hurt at my tone, but that didn’t stop me. “You’ve moved on remember? Ignoring me for months. Every single letter I sent you, you didn’t even bother to reply… You only replied to update me about how I should move on because thats exactly what you did.” Shock suddenly overtook his features, as if he had no idea what I was talking about.

 

“What in the bloody hell are you on about? I wrote you every single week! You are the one that never sent me a reply! Not a single one! So of course I moved on eventually Harry! I couldn’t take the pain anymore of not knowing what I did wrong!” I was stunned. Something wasn’t adding up, but he did just admit that he moved on. So if he was telling the truth about moving on, how was I supposed to believe he didn’t know about anything else?

 

“Cut the bullshit. Who are you seeing now huh? Who took you away from me?” My voice cracked and I finally realized that both of us were yelling. Louis was crying now as he spoke,

 

“Harry no one took you away from me! You did that yourself! Clearly you didn’t care to keep this relationship or you would have written me!” I ran my hands over my face in frustration.

 

“Louis. I did write you. So many times. Ask Liam, he’ll tell you… He’ll tell you how heartbroken I was this entire time, knowing that you evidently never gave a shit about our relationship. It never meant a fucking thing to do you did it? Who are you with now hmm? Zayn?” I felt the air leave my lungs as Louis’s skin paled. “Oh my God… You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Louis opened his mouth to try and defend himself. “Leave.” 

 

“Harry please listen-” I was crying now… This was all too much.

 

“Louis… Get… out.” He shook his head rapidly, coming closer to me than he was before.

 

“I am not leaving you again.” He put his hands onto my thigh and I tried to ignore the electricity I felt from his touch, secretly wondering if he felt it still too. But then I remembered he probably felt this way with someone else… Someone I hate, and someone that I thought he hated as well.

 

“You already have left me… Please leave.” Louis’s face contorted into confusion again as he felt that something wasn’t right about my leg. He lifted up the blanket, shocked to see that I only had half a leg remaining.

 

“Harry-” I couldn’t take it anymore. I already was self-conscious about my leg, combined with this entirely fucked up situation, it built up and became far too much.

 

“Get out!!!” I screamed, covering myself back up with the blanket my body racking with sobs as Dennis came into the room, making sure everything was okay. I looked at him, “Please take him out of here.” 

 

He nodded as Louis and I kept looking at one another, desperately trying to figure out 

how this all went wrong… 


End file.
